Judge — August 17, 1907 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

As THE ANNUAL HIKE OF OW it came to pass in the reign of Theodorusbigsticki- bus, the Hittite, that a pe- riod of great plenty fell upon the land, and the people waxed exceeding gay and had high old times. 2 And some waxed even gayer and had higher old times than others; but we will let that pass. * 3 And Bildad, of the tribe of the Commutites, who dwell beyond the Hackensack and in other out-of-the-way places, also waxed along with the rest. (Howbeit, he was waxing in the opposite direction, but he wist not that this was so.) 4 And in the seventh year of the reign of the gentleman whose fuil name has been already mentioned, toward the seventh month thereof, the annual vacation hike set in, and the whole populace hiked whithersoever they had the price necessary for the same. 5 And Bildad saw the popu- lace hiking, and he spoke bit- terly within himself and con- fided to his family quite freely, using several words not in the dictionary, just what he thought of the whole business. 6 Nevertheless, the family of Bildad seemed to look only at the hikers and heard not what Bildad had to say, nor regarded in any way his opin- ion on the subject. 7 And Bildad also hiked, he and his family, his maid-serv- ants and men-servants, and his mother-in-law, 8 And they journeyed to the southward, to the land of the Sandtick and the two-piece bathing-suit, and they abode there for a spell and rested. g And Bildad hired a house from a dweller in the place wherein he rested, and the price thereof was a darned sight bigger than he wanted to pay. 10 But he paid it, for behold ! did not the Amarites and the Shushites and the Blatherskites do likewise? We think likely. 11 Now, on the fourth day of the month, at about the tenth hour, Bildad went forth and bathed in the sea, he and all his house. 12 And they had a slumpshious time, and don’t you for- get it; for lo! the sea was as much Bildad’s as it was anybody's. s 13 For it is written, the ocean is a nice big proper- ty, just sloshing round in the open, and belongs, as yet, to all the children of men, (N. B.—The Atlantic Ocean is free, but you have to pay for the trimmings, bathing-suits, bath-houses, the place where you step into it, ete.) 14 Presently Bildad came up out of the sea, and the multitudes looked upon him, and some tittered. “The chicken was high.” Bildad leaves for home. BILDAD THE COMMUTITE. 15 For Bildad was bald, and the sun had painted him fore and ait, and his pate was like unto a ripe, red squash for color. 16 Then they gat them up and hastened to the cottage, and Bil- dad went out to buy bread. 17 And he bought a chicken, and the same cost two talents of silver, whereat Bildad took an oath that they would cut out chicken. And he did so. 18 For the chicken was high, and it was many other things, and moreover it was not.a good chicken, the same being*more like a quadruped of debatable character. 1g And behold! there were in the same land divers tradesmen, and they one and all lay for Bildad, and they smote him sore. 20 And the iceman also did him cold ; likewise the husbandmen who drove in from the rural vastness roundabout. 21 They fell upon Bildad from the rising of the sun to the going down of the same, and they left cucumbers and other deadly things on his doorstep at big prices. 22 And Bildad wept. And these are the words of Bildad when he wept: 23 By the warts on Cwsar's nose, I sware, even as I have sworn before when held up of mornings by scows and tugs cn the Hackensack, that I will not come this w: gain, but I will quit this land, and I will try some other land where prices are higher and everything else is worse. 24 And it was now come to the fourth week, and Bildad looked, and behold ! the little Bildads were having a good time, and he rejoiced greatly, and there was gladness in all that house. 25 And he looked again, and rather more intently, and he saw that the little Bildads had broken down seven yards of porch railing, and they had torn up the board walk to make navies on the lake that was near by, and the three plate-glass windows were smashed, and the doors of the china-closet likewise had suffered calam 26 Thus and more did the young Bildads. not that they had done so. 27 And the electric man came and read the meter, and he made obeisance to Bildad and spake with him exceeding friendly. 28 And just when the conversation was going good he smote him in the ear with this remark, «You have burned 800 kilo- watt hours. Forty dollars, please.”” 29 And Bildad was wroth, and he rose up and slew the elec-+ tric man and anchored him in the lake, and the lake is called the Bay of Pleasure to this day; for was it not a pleasure to Bildad to destroy the electric man? 30 And Bildad went forth into the sea, he and all his house, and they fished, and it looked like a glad day. 31 And about the third mile out Bildad wearied of the sea and would go home, but he durst not climb out of the boat. 32 And Bildad grew sick, he and all his house, and with one accord they proceeded to lean seaward. 33 And they lolled over the side of the boat in various easy attitudes, in order to supply the evidences of illness ad libitum and without hindrance. And they did so. 34 And a little friendly storm romped up from the offing, and Bildad lifted up his voice (without lifting his head) and said, 35 ‘And you call this having a good time?” But none an- swered him, and the conversation broke off right thére. 36 And Bildad regretted many things that he did in those days. He and his house went forth in the cool of the night and slept upon the porches, and the winds came and the rains fell ; and Bildad regretted also this thing which they did. 37 And there were bugs in that land, and some had wings and flew, and some crawled, while others were just bugs and did nothing in particular except to lend a buggy effect. 38 This also Bildad regretted. All these things and more—O, so many more—did Bildad the Com- mutite at the place called Geewhatifake. But they wotted And Bildad rested, he and his house, for many days at Geewhatifake, and all with one accord rejoiced continually. comicbooks.com