Judge, 1907-05-25 · page 5 of 16
Judge — May 25, 1907 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces of satire: **"Tale of a Thoughtless Teuton"** (top left): A German character poem mocking German stereotypes—clumsiness, rudeness, and lack of sophistication. The verses describe a "Cherman chap" who bungled various social situations (stealing ice cream, breaking things, being ejected from establishments). This reflects anti-German sentiment common in American publications of the era. **"A Congressman's Fish Story"** (right side): A humorous anecdote about Congressman George W. Smith from Illinois. The joke involves Smith repeatedly seeing fish in the same location, claiming to the driver he "didn't see fish" on return trips—suggesting he's either forgetful or dishonest. The caption "A word to the wise is useless" implies the congressman lacks sense. Both pieces use ethnic and political humor typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TALE OF A THOUGHTLESS ‘TEUTON. TTO vos a Cherman chap, Mit proad und ruddy face; Und he vos full obf pashfulness Ven he vent any blace. Und now I'll told you somedings Obf dis young foolish knave Yot haBbened at der party Vot Amy Shmier- kase gafe. Chust “fore der guests departed Der hostess (vot a dream !) Did hand to all dose bresent dere A shmall brick ohf ice-cream. Now, Otto didn’t vant der shtuff, Und yet, der foolish goose! He vos so full ohf pashfulness He didn’t dare refoose. He took der hard mixed-colored brick, Und den, kvite sleek und kwick, Ven no one looked, der ice-cream in His pocket he did shtick. Und dere he sat und sat und sat, Der room vos getting hotter ; Und he vished dot his pants vere made Ohf shtrong, absorbing blotter. Some clammy chills ran oop his back, He turned as vhite as clay ; He felt as if he had sat down Right in der Milky Vay. Der melded ice-cream drickled down His legs onto der floor, Vich set der whole krowd giggling Und made all der fellers roar. But Otto vos a wise young chap— He didn’t grin a bit; Und dis is how dot Cherman chap He explanationed it : «4 T guess, Louisa, I'll go home— I ope you von't feel hurt ; But it’s so warm in here der starch Is melding from mine shirt.” Yor reTzER, Gunbusta—" Will you pass the but- ter, please 2” Railroad magnate (absent-mindedly) —'No, sir; you'll get no pass— Oh, excuse me. Certainly !” WHAT THEY SEE. His side. FAR-SIGHTED. “*Did your landlord notice the leaky roof when he ‘was around collecting the rent this morning?” “No; but he saw the little window in the garret my boy Johnny broke.” GRANDPA'S TI 3. ‘+1 tell ye, Cy, here's some real pure-quill Jamacky rum that'll make yer hair curl. Thutty-two year old an’ chuck full o\—— Her side, A CONGRESSMAN'S FISH STORY. CONGRESSMAN GEORGE W. SMITH, who has been representing the south- ernmost district of Illinois in Congress ever since John R. Thomas got tired of the job, twenty years ago, was campaigning around Murphysboro one time in a buggy. With him was a driver. They came to a bridge over the Big Muddy River. The sight of water naturally suggested fish. For lack of anything better to say, Congressman Smith said to the driver, “Do you like fish 2” “Yes,” was the reply. Nothing more was necessary, and noth- ing more was said, However, when the next campaign came around, Congressman Smith went over the same territory, at the same time of year, with the same driver. Again they crossed the Big Muddy, and again the sight of water suggested fish. + How 2" asked Congressman Smith. «+ Fried,” said the driver. A WorD to the wise is useless, 4. ——SNAKESII" comicbooks.com