Judge, 1907-03-30 · page 14 of 20
Judge — March 30, 1907 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece mocks American municipal corruption through the story of a New York visitor witnessing four Bessemer officials—the mayor, police commissioner, police chief, and judge—casually discussing an empty bottle found in the street. Each official denies responsibility, passing blame in circular fashion until nothing happens. The joke targets the hypocrisy of "democracy" in practice. While these officials represent civic authority and law, they exemplify indifference and buck-passing rather than accountability. The title "Simon-Pure Democracy" is ironic—"simon-pure" means genuinely authentic, but the story shows democracy corrupted by negligence and inaction. The visitor's concluding remark—that one must go to Alabama to find "the quintessence of democracy"—appears to be sarcastic commentary on Southern governance, though the exact critique remains unclear from context alone.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HUNTER BALTIMORE RYE Is Absolutely Pure and is Guaranteed under The National Pure Food Law. This confirms its reputation, and its great popularity de- monstrates that it is the pre- ferred whiskey of those who KNOW THE BEST LIKE THE BEST BUY THE BEST paged Sold. at al] Oratelass cafes and by jobbers. WM. LANATIAN & SON, allmore, 31d EVERY BOTTLE OF GENUINE C YMOUTH GIN 2S THIS LABEL AGENTS AMES BUCHANAN & CO. LTD. V.NY. HENKY LINDENMEYR & SONS PAPER WAREHOUSE Ifyou drink champagne because it’s good, You're sure to drink the * Brotherhood.” But if you drink it for a bluff, Then imported is good enough. The wine says the rest. ude SIMON-PURE DEMOCRACY. | He was a stranger in Bessemer, fresh from the political turmoils of New York !City, where Democracy is spoken of, but sellom practised. His attention was at- tracted by the unusuai spectacle of four distinguished-looking gentlemen grouped in the middle of the street sunning them- sel “Who are those men ?” he inquired of a sallow-complexioned youth who was busily engaged in devouring the large end ofastraw. Who are they?” replied the young citizen, eying the stranger suspiciously. Ihen drawing another inch of straw into his mouth with his tongue he said, «Them 's the biggest men in Bessemer. That one with the white mustache, he's the mayor ; that tall one next to him, he’s a police commissioner ; the little stout man is chief of police, and the other one is judge of the city court.” With unassumed amazement and curi- osity the stranger from the north drew nearer the distinguished group. A simi- lar gathering of New York City officials, he declared subsequently, would not only. cause sensational speculation, but would be made the basis of broadcast publicity that a political conspiracy was in the wind, This is what the stranger actually saw and heard : The mayor sighted an empty bottle ly- ing in the roadway. He picked it up and, addressing the commissioner of police, remarked, | *Say, doctor, does this bottle belong to you?” “Is my name on it 2" responded that nitary. No.” “Then it isn’t mine.” aw that boule lying there yester- jay,” said the chief of police, “and told one of my men to kick it into the sewer,” whereupon the head of the uniformed force proceeded to carry out his own instructions. “Shucks !" broke in the judge of the city court, ++I saw that same bottle lying there two days ago.” That was all, ‘The stranger from Gotham turned away with a smile and remarked to himself, « If anybody wants to find the quintes- sence of democracy let him go to Ala- bama."— Birmingham ( Ala.) News. Mothers will find ing Syrup the best remedy ra, Winslow's Sooth- heir children, asc a bottle | It sometimes happens that a man reach- | ¢s such a height on the ladder of fame that he gets lonesome,— Chicago News. The Truth Can be told about Great Western Champagne the Stantard ot american Wines ‘There is nothing to conceal in its produc re Jace, fermented and ted to enact pares tEtor heal kines, sessing. the boa? Roet and favor that Wilson — Yor guavawtee of purity, see back \abel onevery battle: Wat's WN Intending parchasers of a STRICTLY fist. CLASS Plano, or Piano and. Sell-Player con should not fal to examine the merits Of the » rid. ‘SOHMER PIANOS and the “SOHMER-CECILIAN™ Inside Players, which surpaas all others. ‘Catalogue mailed on application. SOHMER & COMPANY, New Yorn. Warerooms: Cor. Sth Ave. 22d St. THE WAYS OF WOMAN. Sometimes a girl marries a man not because she loves him so much, but so | that the other girls can't get him.—£r A GRAFTER. “+ Do you think that skin-grafting opera- all will prove a success?” Dr. But—" Why, most assuredly. He ‘s one of the most noted grafters in the profession. THE MAIN THING. SLANDER REFUTED. The average woman doesn't care how| Sfranger—« New York streets are al- gray her hair may be getting, as long’as| ways torn up. she feels convinced that it is becoming.| Mative—* On the contrary ; we never —Somerville Fournal. disturb the snow."—New York Sun. 9 Ss Shaving Soap that any man is willing to endure “ANS It’s a Wonder discomfort and danger of ordinary soap or ordinary shaving soap, when he can enjoy the comfort. yt luxury and safety of Williams’ Shaving Soap. If you want your husband to be happy insist that he gets Williams’ Shaving Soap. amps for a 0 shaves, Williams’ Shaving Sticks and Shaving Cakes sold everywhere. Send 4 cents in Williams’ Staving Stick or a cake of Luxury Shaving Soap, trial size. (Enough £ Address THE J. B. WILLIAMS COMPANY Department A, Glastonbury, Conn. Pari, London. Nertin . “THE ONLY KIND THAT WON'T SMART OR ORY ON THE FACE” Sydney comicbooks.com