Judge — February 2, 1907 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A SUBURBAN CONVENIENCE. Tue cay count—‘* Name some of ze suburbs which are so convenient to ze great city of New York."* Tue countess (American)—" New York's most convenient suburb, | think, is Dakota."" THE WORLD'S WAY. THE BRIGHT SIDE. ¢6QMILE,” they told him; “wear a smile— MB: JURGINS had been suddenly afflicted with a stiff neck. Not The world despises men who frown. only was it a painful stiffness, but it caused him to twist his head Put off your sed and sober look . around until he seemed to be trying to look behind him over his left ‘And then'‘no power may keep you down. shoulder, and his head was rigid in that pose. He gladly took them at their word, “Of all the confounded trials a man was ever subjected to," he Because he had the wish to win. said, «this is the limit, They say to look on the bright side of our He smiled, and presently they talked afflictions, but I'd like to know how I could make use of this stiff neck.” About his «idiotic grin.” $e xisER, “ My dear friend,” said the optimist, « think what a golden oppor- tunity this is to sit for your picture without having to allow the pho- WHAT'S IN A NAME? tographer to twist your head around that way and jab those ice-cold RIEND, what's your name?” queried tongs into the back of your neck !" the farmer's wife of the tramp who had asked for a meal. “De name I wuz christened, lady, or de name I now have?” “Good lands! have you more than one name?” “I hev had so many, lady, since me adventuresome career began dat I can’t re- member dem all. Let's see, now. I wuz christened George Reddingham Smith, an’ den dey called me ‘Georgie.". When I wuz about ten I got de nickname uv ‘Smithy.’ Den one day some guy got fresh an’ called me ‘ Fatty,’ an’ it hung ter me until I could fight a bit. At de age uv twenty-one I wuz addressed as + Mr. Smith’ by some, as “George by others, an’ as ‘ Fathead * by a few choice frien’s dat wuz bigger'n me.” “And what are you called now ?" asked the curious farmer's wife. “I'm jest comin’ ter dat, lady. When I reached de tender age uy thirty-one me cruel an’ unnatural parents sent me out inter de cold world alone ter earn me own livin’, an’ dat’s how I drifted inter dis bizness. I got so thin at first workin’ at me trade dat me name wuz + Skinney," but after a few years dat wuz changed ter ‘Weary Willie.’ Now de boys call me +Camel.’" Camel? What do they call you that for?” “+I guess, lady, dat it’s because I kin go so long widout water.” And then she whistled for the dog, and Camel" had to get a hump on himself, Aw Lawes PRODIGALITY, PA SMITH threw down his newspaper in disgust. ++ It’s shameful," he exclaimed, ++ the way these ‘ere colleges waste ILLOGICAL “Teddy, is there no school to-day ?”” money on furniture! Here's an account of somebody giving Harvard ngural’ Ver doa'e scppose fat caisse I'l hooky eat $200,000 for a new chair!" dey'd close up de school, do yer?” comicbooks.com