Judge — January 12, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE GASLIGHT OF LOVE. “Your daughter, sir, ts the light of my life.”” “Well, take her and pay the gas-bills yourself."" ALL TANGLED UP. H1, I'm Mary, dear, mixed up all, So, patience some exercise, pray Just words these as are here, And made having us clear, But both if we straightened are out You'll I know that to trying am say: Our be will meaning clear. You Mary love I, dear. W. J. LAMITON, CORRECTING HIS STATISTICS. ASSURE you, lady,” began Panhandle Pete as the farm- er's wife came to the door with a scowl on her face, +I ain't no common tramp. I'm a gent author wot's writin’ a book uv his travels round de world.” **You don’t look much like an author,” she coldly replied. **No, ma‘am ; but I'm dressed up dis way so as ter study de life, yer see. I'm doin’ a world-tour on a bet, an’ if yer'll give mea little assistance I'll put yer in de *« What's the name of the book ?” It ain't named yet, lady. I'm jest takin’ some in- terestin’ notes as I go on me way, an’ den some day I'll set down an’ put ‘em all tergether.” “You fellows tell such tales,” she suspiciously re- marked as she looked him over. “at's wot dey do, lady,” he replied as he took out pencil and paper and began to write. * ‘Scuse me while I put down dat a kind an’ beautiful lady, meanin’ you, gib me some ideas fer me book an’ den inwited me in an‘ gib me de finest spread I had on de hull trip. In course, dat’s only fer de book, yer know, an’ yer needn't gimme only four or five turkey-sandwiches zn’ some roast beef, an’ a couple uv mince-pies an’ a pitcher or two uy cider. I got some interestin’ notes here, lady. So far on de trip I've had 362 pieces uv punkin-pie, 892 pieces of mince, 116 dogs hev bit me, 262 kind ladies, includin’ yerself, hev "—— ++ Wasn't it you who was here working the book-swindle about this time last winter ?” she interrupted him with. **Me? No, ma'am, I wuz jest startin'on me trip about dat time an’ biddin’ me old gray-haired mother good-bye. Ah, lady, yer should hev seen de tears she shed as she parted from her only son. But as I wuz sayin’, de feed yer gib me will "—— +Just a moment, There's a little mistake in your figures, I think.” + As—as ter how, lady ?” «Why, as to the number of dogs that have bitten you. 116, didn’t you ?” You said the barn, “you want to change that, because Carlo will make the 117th. Here, Carlo! Here, Carlo! Carlo! Carlo!" But Panhandle Pete had leaped the fence at the very first call and was half a mile down the road before the dog caught sight of him. AB Lewrs, A FELLOW cannot stand on his dignity and on his head at the same time, HOW HEAVY HANGS THE TIME! HE TRIED his best to lif the village clock, That weighs two tons precisely as it stands. As well attempt to lift a city block— He found time hanging heavy on his hands. THE SEEKER SOUGHT. MBS. CEAKLY stepped jauntily into the employment agency in quest of the 245th maid-of-all-work. Her glance wandered sharply but critically about the room, and finally became crystal- ized on a neatly-dressed young woman, Mrs. Ceakly immedi- ately had visions of a jewel of a servant, neat, pretty and, above all, considerate. She smiled condescendingly as she walked over to the young woman. «Tam quite struck by your appearance,” she began. * Per- haps you might suit me. Can you cook ?" «I haven't had a great deal of experience in that line,” an- swered the young woman somewhat shyly, ‘but I have always done my best “Very praiseworthy, indeed,” commended Mrs. Ceakly. “+ What days out do you desire 2” «TL have never considered the matter of days out.” Mrs. Ceakly’s picture of the model servant rose before her with remarkable clearness, However, it would not do to seem over-anxious. * You sweep and dust, of course ?” she said decidedly. “Of course,” agreed the young woman. “Regarding wages,” announced Mrs. Ceakly. arrange that to your satisfaction.” *T think so.” “Then you will come to my residence in the morning ?” *No. “Why not?” inquired Mrs. Ceakly in surprise. and intelligent servant.” “So do I,” replied the young woman; ‘and if you will pardon me I'd like to speak with the girl who is just coming in.” PERRINE LAMBERT. “T think we can “T want a neat HIS INDISCRETION. THERE was a young rounder named Branson, Who loved a smooth surface to danson ; But he shocked every one When, intent on his fun, He was dancing without any adequate conventional covering for his lower limbs. ‘THE MOON SURPRISES BOBBY. HEN the moon is in its last quarter it frequently shows in the sky during the day-time. Little Bobby discovered this for the first time one bright afternoon and, turning to his mother, exclaimed, **Oh, look, mamma! God forgot to take in the moon last night.” THE NEEDS OF SOCIETY. ‘Rastus—"' Viola, bring me mah whetstone. Ah'll sho" hab ter hone dis razzah befo’ Ah goes ter de club ter-night."* comicbooks.com