Judge — January 12, 1907 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ENOUGH. ‘ ‘y CANNOT sing the old songs, I cannot play the new.” He looked at her in ecstas} “Ob, darling, I love you HE LOANED MONEY TO PAPA. She—“Have you ever loaned papa any money ?” He— Once or twice.” She—« That must be the reason he has forbidden me to marry you. He says anybody that parts with his money as easily as you do will end in the poor-house.”* A DESIRED REFORM. Mrs. Blooblood—*\ told the grocer that unless he stop- ped drinking he'd lose all his business.” Mr, Blooblood—“ That was a gentle hint for him to give up his bad weighs.” CONCERNING PRISCILLA. RISCILLA knows a clever scheme To bring the men folk to her side. She drives them single or in team ; ‘or reins, her apron-strings, well tied. The other girls might sit an hour In pensive attitude and pose ; But what's the use? They lack the power Priscilla knows. Priscilla knows when she should talk, And then, again, when smiles go best. She never wants to take a walk When you are tired and would rest ; But, best of all (this is the most Delightful thing to all her beaux), Just how to disten, while they boast Priscilla knows. Priscilla knows this thoroughly, And practices it both night and day ; Yet when she tries that trick on me The tables turn the other way. You see, I know Priscilla's plan, And so I make Aer talk—which shows I'm really quite the nicest man Priscilla knows. JACK APFLETON. SHORT LESSONS IN MODERN ETIQUETTE. N MAKING love to another man's wife it is no longer good form to do it secretly. It is quite proper now to go to the man and advise him beforehand of your action. Thus there will be no misunderstand- ing and nothing to fear. You will be doing the manly thing. The man himself will be pleased. And his wife will be grateful to both of you. In presentig a letter of introduction to an editor it is no longer customary to warn the editor in advance by mailing it to him with THE INOPPORTUNE BOOK-AGENT. Boox-acent—" Madam, can’t I sell you a beautiful silk-bound copy of ‘Home and Heaven‘ ?"* your address. At any moment you may be sand-bagged. The right way is to arm yourself with proper police protection and call on the editor in person. Then wait until he is busy making up his paper and read your contribution aloud to him. His stenographer will take it down, and by the next mail you will undoubtedly receive a check. To eat asparagus gracefully take lessons from some good sword- swallower, Raise the stalk in your right hand very slowly until your audience is with you, then lean back your head, open your mouth to its fullest extent, and push the stalk down as far as it will go. Then remove it with a nail-puller. When the friend you ‘are calling on in the evening offers you a cigar, and you light it and discover at the first puff that it is made up of equal parts of cabbage and oakum, it is no longer correct to tell him it is one of the best you have ever smoked, Instead of this, first throw it out of the window calmly before his face, and then throw him after it, Unless his nature is too hardened, he will understand and treat you better next time. If you are paying for a pew in church and find it already occupied just because you were late on account of your wife not being able to fit her hat on, leave the church quietly and without fuss—only saving the time after you are once out for praise and thanksgiving over the fact that a woman's hat is, after all, of some use. ALL OUT OF PATIENTS. A NOTED m.d. was once jailed For a trick with the scalpel that failed. From his practice debarred, He took it quite hard— «« T'm all out of patients," he wailed. Tom MASSON. A FITTING PUNISHMENT. Mrs. Hoyle— Did you read about the poor man who was crushed into a shapeless mass?" Mrs. Doyle—* Yes ; and it was good enough for him. leader in the crusade against corsets.” He was a we DadaV WY as 2. HIS PATENTED AUTO-SHOOT DEVICE FOR THE SUFFERING FARMER PROVES A SUCCESS. comicbooks.com