Judge — January 5, 1907 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“THE QUICK AND THE DEAD." A QUERY. [Fa at leapt out of a window, And it killed her when she lit, Would a jury decide that the animal died In a cat-a-leapt-tic fit? STRUGGLING YOUNG AUTHOR'S TALE OF WOE. ET a struggling young author, with a yearning to be among the literary elect, tell his tale of woe, Since the modern, struggling young author must eat, I hold down a pen-pushing job daytimes and write stories at night. Some months ago I-had a short story accepted by a well- known magazine, to be paid for “on publication.” My hopes rose. The magazine had the reputation of paying large 4 sums—especially when the stories were of an unusually high order of excellence. Mine were such ; I knew it. And, besides, She said so. That settled it. I £new I'd get a hundred dol- lars anyway for the story. Now, I had long set my heart on an evening suit and the “trimmings” that went with it. Idrew on my scanty bank- account for seventy-five dollars and invested in evening clothes. I was still twenty-five dollars to the good on my story. That evening I called on my girl and told her of my success and expectations, She said I was too modest—that one hundred and fifty dollars was not too much for the story, and she thought I'd probably get two hundred. Alice has a level head, and I Anew she was right. I was too modest. Icould not wear those nice evening clothes at night before my friends and shabby business clothes by day. Forty dollars was spent the following day on a business suit. Since my story was now to fetch two hundred dollars, I was still eighty-five dollars ahead. To have an excuse to wear my evening clothes, I took Alice to the theatre. Now, one can’t take one’s girl to the theatre without having a little supper first ; and it’s a pretty stingy man who won't take her for a bite to eat after the show, “just to see the crowd.” This cost me twelve dollars. Seventy-three dollars ** velvet ™ still left, however. I had long set my heart on a certain gold watch at a famous jewelry house, which could be obtained for only fifty dollars. With my new clothes this would give me an air of breeding and affluence that nothing else could. I got it, There were now twenty-three hypo- thetical dollars left. Please note the number. My story was published this month, and to-day I received a check from the publishers for twenty dollars ! ceonce 1. Morrarr, ELUCIDATED. SOYVHAT does this report mean by saying that ‘the shorts were caught in a corner and squeezed *?” “Why, it means that they sold what they didn’t have to buyers whom they had to get it back from ata higher price in order to deliver it to them,” ALAS! WILD ROSE, THINGS are always happening which illustrate that «the bestlaid plans of mice and men gang aft agley.” A romantic couple by the name of Rose named their little daughter Wild. And truly Wild Rose seemed to justify her name. She was shy and graceful and beau- tiful. For years the parents enjoyed all the romance and poetry of the name. Then they awoke to the fact that young women often change their last names, and that any other combination than the present one would be likely to leave very little of the beautiful. At last the very worst came. She married Charlie Bull. WHO'S AFRAID? RE there not more men afraid of women than women afraid of men? THEY DID. Hogan —«Did th’ bys injye Moriar- ity’s spache 2” Grogan —" Did they? Well, ye should hov bin there. They cheered so loud ye couldn't heara wur-rd he said.” SOME folks under- stand nothing better than anything else. IN DANGER. Lime Harry—"Mamma, mammal come here, quick! Polly is trying his best to learn mo how to swear.” comicbooks.com