Judge — December 29, 1906 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AFTER THE FISHING. SEASON. Well, did you catch anything this season?" Maup—" Oh, a penniless count and a few insignificant barons—but | threw them all back." IN MAGAZINEDOM—AN ANNOUNCEMENT. N THE thirty-seventh of next month our distinguished editor, Hennery Quills Fallden, will celebrate his two-hundred-and-third birthday. Think of it! Ever since the old reliable firm of Carper & Brothers was established in Spanking Square, four hundred and nine- ty-one years ago, there have been only two editors of our dear old popular magazine, Carper’s Monthly. Mr. Fallden practically grew up on printers’ ink, and his devotion to the magazine which he so slowly and conscientiously edits is so well known as to require no com- ment here. But let us pause a moment and review his remarkable career—a career so full of reminiscences that we have urged upon him to put them on paper. Early in the spring, by the way, these remi- niscences, under the alluring title of « Carper’s as I Have Known It; or, Two Hundred Years in the Easy Chair," will be brought out by us in four hundred and one volumes, Japanese vellum, deckle-edge, with various portraits of Mr. Fallden and his big easy-chair, for the small sum of eighty dollars per volume. | Every contributor to good old Carper’s is of course expected to send in an or- der, If he doesn’t, watch out! Mr. Fallden has been a force in the literary world for a long time, and his judgment on MSS. is said to be infallible. He can tell at a glance a poem from a novel, and knows in- timately the various kinds of cereals on the market. His favorite, how- ever, seems to be the Mrs. Humpty Reward variety, though he is very fond of that manufactured by Mary E. Pilkins-Screeman. In order that Mr. Fallden’s birth- . day may be fittingly celebrated, we shall give him a lemonade banquet in our sumptuous dingy offices in Spanking Square, forty-four blocks from the subway, but just a stone's throw from the elevated road. Cin- ders from the latter will be served, and Colonel George Nervey will de- liver the principal speeches, inter- rupted by loud applause from Mark Mane and William Scream Howls, etc. Mr. Richard Potson Bewilder WILLIE'S FEARS. What makes you so sad to-night, Willie?” ‘An agent gave ma four sample cakes of soap to-day, and | hate to go home, for | know she'll want to try them on me. will of course read a poem, but no one need listen; and Caro» lyn Bells will deliver a jingle. All hail; all hail, to the dean of all ‘editors, Hennery Quills Fallden! RANDOLPH FORBES. HAD STAYED THE LIMIT. Saint Peter — Hello! what do you want?” Female angel— Let me I'm going away. Saint teter—‘What’s the matter? Don't you like heaven?” Female angel—“Oh, it's a fairly good place; but I've been here for two weeks and must have a change. You know I was a cook before I died.” HIS NEW-YEAR'S GIFT. I" WAS New Year's Eve, and the great trust magnate, thoroughly tired out from cut- ting coupons and counting his money, had gone to bed early. And as he slept he dreamed that hundreds of women and children of workingmen crowd- ed about his bed. Some men- aced him, some shed tears of sorrow, and the wails of others were ringing if his ears as he awoke witha start. The dream was so vivid that he peered around the room, almost doubting that he was awake, and as he recalled the bitter words and sorrowful looks his conscience was awakened. “ Have I been too grasping and avaricious ?" he asked himself as he wiped the cold perspiration from his forehead. “ Well, perhaps I have, but I did not think so, They threatened me—they cried out against me; but I will show the world that I am not the base and heartless creature I am said to be. Yes, there is yet time,” he contin- ued as he looked at the clock and saw that it lacked half an hour to midnight, and began to dress hurriedly, «I will start the new year by doing something to be remembered by mankind for many years to come.” Ten minutes later he was at the telephone and giving the follow- ing order to his manager: «Give each man, woman and child in my employ a package of chewing-gum as a New Year's gift, and let it be known that they can look forward each year to a present of this kind.” And then he returned to bed and slept so soundly that it took four servants to get him up next morning. out. ANSWERS TO CORRC- SPONDENTS. +4 JF a Chinaman loses his queue What is the best thing to dueue?” “ Why, braid one, of course, From the tail of a horse, And stick it right on with some glueue.” A NEEDED-EXPLANATION, ¢6VES," said Lassitudlinous Luke as he traded his battered tomato- can for a nice fresh one from the dump, ‘dey wuz once when, me an’ a New York copper had a million dollars between us.” “What !" yelled Frayed Francis. “ Fact,” said Lassitudinous Luke as he fastened the string securely to his new carry-all, “Y’ see, I wuz in de alley on one side uy a savings- bank an’ he wuz lookin’ fer me in de alley beyont.” comicbooks.com