Judge — December 22, 1906 — page 38: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OHN JONES is called a "lucky man "— "On Sunday born," say Dick and Dan; But when I study his career His "luck," it seems to me, lies here: ‘Whene'er he works he goes ahead Determined, but untrumpeted— And tho’ his rivals try their worst, He manages to get there first / “LUCKY.” But if at times another chap Precedes him, through some strange mishap, John Jones an effort makes to smile— And gets there in a better style ! And if, perchance, he fails in both, Our Mr. Jones still sulks not, wroth ; But scheme superior will find That leaves the other far behind! Yet, of this Jones all envious, His neighbors " golden touch " discuss ; And by tis great success much struck, Sit ‘round and wish they had his fack / PETE WAS THE MAN. FTER the two hunters from the city had superintended the un- loading of enough traps and baggage of all descriptions to equip an expedition into the heart of Africa they hunted up the pro- prietor of the little hack- woods tavern to ask about a guide. “We want to put in about two weeks in the woods,” they explained, +sand we want a good man for a guide. Of course there are guides to be had here + Lots of “em,” answer- ed the proprietor. “ You kin git all kinds of guides her «Well, best that can be had for money, and we don't care what it costs,” said one of we want the the hunters « There's two or three kinds of men in this busi- ness,” returned the proprie- tor, “and it all depends on what line you want. There's Bill, fr instance. He prob- ably knows more about these here woods in a min- ute than anyone else does in He kin take you to places aweek. more onfrequented an‘ hustle you round faster than any other feller in this section.” “Just the man for us !* said the spokesman of the two,“ Where is he 2” “Then there's Jim,” continued the proprietor, without noticing the ques- “Ts'pose he knows more about the game an’ the best way to He kin gin'rally Seconp TRamp— First teamp— tion, git it than any man who ever lived in these parts. scare up something when nobody else kin.” “ Then he's the man for us,” said the spokesman, from the city to make a record.” “ Make a record ?” repeated the proprietor. «That's it exactly. We want to make a record in the hunting line that we can boast of when we go back.” The proprietor went over and sized up the pile of baggage, including everything that was latest in the way of hunters’ equipment. “You don’t want Bill, nor yet Jim,” he said at last. “I'll send you Pete, He’s the man for you. “ What are Pete's special qualifications 2” they asked. “Why, he’s the best liar in the state,” replied the proprietor. “If you can't make a record with him there ain't no use tryin’ for it with anyone else. At first I thought you were just up here for the huntin’, an’ I was goin’ on that basis; but 1 kin fit you out to bust records just as easy, if that’s what you're after.” “We come WHEN CASH SHRINKS, . “| dreampt last night | had a million dollars." Didn't it look big to yer 2” Nit. Idreampt I wuz out buyin’ Christmas presents wid it!" THE HUMORIST’S PROPOSAL. She—" You ask me to marry you, but can you support a wife 2” He—"1 can, While Im not rich, | make money out of my writings.” She—" What do you write—poetry or prose ?” He—"Oh, humorous stuff—skits, jokes and the like.” She" And me to marry yo! He— Yes.” She—"1 admit, that’s a good joke you ask > DIRECTIONS. THE litle Johnson boy had just finished a large Thanksgiving dinner. “Mamma,” he said, “you may undress I and put I to bed, buf don't bend 1." ONE SURE-THING. Mrs. Rooney— If ye had ten million darlers, Pat- rick, how would ye lave it?” Mr. Rooney — + Wells Oi wouldn't lave it in me pants’ pockets nights, ye kin gamble on that !" NOT SO PERSISTENT. OPPORTUNITY knocks once at every man's door—and it doesn't knock like a hotel porter waking you up for the six- thirty train either. HEN a fault gets the hetter of a man, it is naturally his own fault. comicbooks.com