Judge — December 22, 1906 — page 39: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AUNT DORCAS’S NEW-STYLE CANDLES. By STRICKLAND W. GILLILAN. H ‘LOW ab’s plum nellected tuh tell you- all bout dat ‘ar time Ah dun puhchased Dawcas dem new kine o' cannels, ain't Ah?” asked Uncle Eli anxiously. « Well, now, ef dat hain’t asinnen a shame. But Ah ‘lows de onliest way tuh pollergize tuh you-all is tuh begin at de commencin’ an’ splanify an’ clahify de whole intiah suckumstants. + One desput cole mawnin’ when Ah wah stahtin’ tuh de sto’, Dawcas she call out tuh me, ‘Eli, honey,’ she say, des dataway, ‘What, Dawcas honey,’ Ah sayin rupply. She say, ‘ Eli, honey, does you all know we-all clah intiahly outen cannels ? + Honey, you-all ain't mean it!" Daweas ‘low, +I sho’ does mean it,’ an’ she go onan’ ‘low, * You-all hatter git some fum de sto’ dishyer vay mawnin’ + Now dat wah not de bes’ newses, comin’ right dah on de vay ebe ob Chrismus, when we-all wah callatin’ on habbin’ de bes" fo’ de leas’ money, but Chrismus in de dahk would sho’ be a sad speeryunce, so Ah swallehs down mah sor- reh an’ Ah ‘lows, * Sho’, Dawcas, we-all boun’ tuh hab dem = cannels,’ away Ah goes tuh de sto’, totin’ de las’ batch o° but- teh'n aigs fum de big house. “When Ah gits tuh de sto’ Ah fines dat sto’- keepeh, Mistah Jimmer- son, des a-smilin’ an’ hap- py an’ full o’ he debble- mint—law, chile, you-all orter know dat lim’ Jim- merson! He dat plum’ choke full 0° comfustica- shuns he mek a dawg laff —Ah des cain’t he'p mah-" set a-laffin’ whenebbeh Ah tinks 0’ dat rascal—he, he, he—Oh, lawdy! An’ Mistah Jimmerson he ‘low, * Howdy, Uncle Eli. How you-all gwine spen’ Chris- mus? You-all gwine New Yawk o' New Awleens ?° Now ain’ dat a putty ques- chun tuh be astin’a po* ole black sinneh lak me, dat hain't nebbeh ben on no kivered kyahs noh nuf- fin’! Ah des laff an’ laff lak Ah gwine subtracted, an’ dat Jimimerson he des look dat droll Ah cain't stop longer Ah look at ‘im. Den dat Jimmerson he ‘low, + Whut you-all want- in’ dis mawnin’, Unc’ Eli ? “Huh? Speak out, case Ah’s bus- ieh‘n a cranbe'y mutch- ant,’ hé say, des dataway. *«* Dawcas she ‘low she hatter hab cannels,’ Ah say. ‘Ah reckon you-all betteh wrop up haffer dozen fo’ me.’ «What kiner cannels you-all want, Unc’ Eli?" Jimmerson say. “Wy, des cannels, Ah reckon,’ Ah says, ‘same lak we-all b’en ttin’.” * Wid dat Mistah Jimmerson fotch me a look lak he done reckon Ah’s crazy, an’ he say, “+ Well, fo’ de Lawd’s sake, Unc’ Eli! You-all gwine buy Dawcas des de common kine o' niggeh’s cannels an’ po’ white-trash cannels at dishyer Chrismus-time ?. Why don’ you-all look ‘roun’ an’ git some o° dese yere new, fancy cannels, lak de quality uses?" he say. an’ “Dig bait.” HIS CALLING. “And what is your calling, young man?" Aye “What do you do when you're not fishing ?” ++ Well, Ah grummels a leetle mite, but when dat Mistah Jimmer- son takes on dataway dey hain't no suckumventin’ ‘im, an’ Ah finally “lows dat ef Ah kin git ‘em fo’ ‘bout de same price Ah'll tek ‘em, +++ Now, dat’s mo’ lak de Unc’ Eli Ah been ‘spectin’ tuh come ‘long an‘ buy cannels," he say, wile he wrop up haffer dozen ob dem new kine o' cannels dat he say is fancy an’ is used by de quality. An’ he done chahged me des de same he charge fo’ de po’, ol’-fashion white- trash kine o' cannels. Dat Mistah Jimmerson, wid all his bein’ a lim’, is sho’ a mahty kine pusson. Yessah, indeedy. « When Ah goes home, Dawcas she ast me did Ah git de can- nels, an’ Ah ‘low, * Yassum.’ But Ah didn’t say nuffin’ ‘bout de kine, case Ah done callate on s'prisin’ dat ole woman o” mine. ** Weil, come dahk, de ole woman ‘lows Ah'd betteh be lightin’ some o' dem new cannels Ah gits at de sto’, an’ Ah ‘lows Ah’s busy an’ she betteh be lightin’ ‘em huhse’f. So Daweas she roll up a piece o' papeh an’ stick hit in de fiah till hit git tuh blazin’ propeh, den she tek one o° dem cannels in huh han’, an’ she ‘low she done nebbeh seen none o° dem kine 0’ cannels afo’. Ah tells huh Ah ‘low she done nebbeh did see none o' dem quality cannels, but dat Ah don’ want none o' dem common white-trash an’ niggeh cannels at Chrismus time. “Den Daweas she light de leetle eend o' de wick dat stick out {um de Pint o' de cannel, an’ dey don’ no light come. Stid- der dat dey come a leetle sputteh, sputteh, an Daw- cas she say, Huccome dat cannel don’ mek no light, hon’ ?" Des dat min- nit she done quit speakin’, an’ she let out a holler dat beat all de big meetin’ shouts Ah ebbeh did hy- eah, She hollehs * Halle- luyeh !" an’ + Lawd he'p !* when dey come out 0° dat ah cannel a ball o° red fiah des lak a live coal a- poppin’, an‘ de ball o' fiah he say, ¢ T-t-t-t-t-do00000- ee! des dataway, An’ dat ball haint’ scacely lit when dey come awiite one outen de same hole singin’ dat same ' T-t-t-t-t-dooooo- ee!’ des lak de red one. An’ fo’ Daweas cud done come unpahalyzed an frow down dat new quality cannel dey come a green one dat say de same + T-t-t-t-t-t-dooooo-ee !" “Well, Daweas, she drap dat cannel an’ she tu’n plumb obeh in de aih en'ways, an’ when she hit de groun’ she hit it a run- nin’, an’ she done neb- beh stop till she git tuh de big house an’ bust in at de kitchen an’ scaih de niggehs plumb out dey seben senses, hollehin* dat de worl’ done cum to a en'—Oh, Lawdy, but dem niggehs wah skaiht! Dey sho'ly was. +Nex' time Ah see dat lim’ Jimmerson Ah wah dat so’ Ah cuddent say nuffin’, But when he ask me, dat innercent en’ kine, about dem quality cannels dat Ah buy fo’ Chrismus, Ah staht tuh scole ‘im, an’ den Ah des busses out. a-laffin’ spite ob all Ah kin do t' hol’ in an’ be stuhn, Ah tell you-all dat Jimmerson am de bigges’ lim'—de bigges’ lim’—he sho’ am. Ah reckon Ah done hatter go widout Chrismus dis yeah, case Ah done hatter pay a heap er doctah-bills fo’ Dawcas, an’ fo’ sp'ilin’ her new countehpin—Oh, fo’ de Law's sake! you-all sho" isde kine gennelman, Ah’s sho'ly bleeged tuh you-all. Goo'day, sah; goo’day, sah. Commlements ob de season, sah." Commene - ee comicbooks.com