Judge — December 15, 1906 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A COLD NIGHT. “Wot yo" tryin’ ter do, Henry—pull de covers all out at de foot ?”’ “No, j ain't, I'm tryin’ ter turn ovah an’ light in de same spot. THE HUMAN MIXTURE. HALF the world were half as good as t'other half believes ‘This earth would be a paradise—a perfect human beauty-spot. IF s not, If half the world were half as bad as t’other half believes it is, Old Nick would have to advertise for help to carry on his biz. Some wise folks think that they can see in each of us eccentric mortals Enough of ill to kill—enough of good to break through heaven's portals, STRICKLAND W, GILLILAN THE MEANEST MEIN HOST. es] GUESS,” said the man who always tries to talk like a monologue, “that the meanest hotel man lives in Pennsylvania, I won't name the town. “T stayed at his place all night, recently, and when I went to pay my bill in the morning I complained that his food had made me rest- less in the night, and that the bed was inhabited otherwise than by me. When he handed me my bill he had added two dollars for +a horse and buggy." ““« What do you mean ?'I asked in surprise Where does the horse come in ++ You had a nightmare, didn’t you 2" he asked. Yes," said ; + but, buggy ?* “The bed,’ he answered calmly. “paid.” “Thad no livery rig. THE THREAT. HENRIETTA’S smal! brother had been reproved and punished for his misbehavior. The six-year-old sister resented it, and especi- ally objected to Charles's crying, so she remonstrated with her aunt. “I just hate to have you slap those children,” she continued ; nd if you don’t stop I don’t know what will happen, but I think I'll have nervous prosperatioi A BIRD FAMILY TREE. “{Are you sure this young Dickey Bud is from a good family “Oh, yes. He claims to be able to trace his ancestors back to the orig- inal Cock Robin."” THE SAINT’S PROGRESS. LD SANTA CLAUS once liad a beautiful sleigh That was bolted and braced in a wonderful way ; Past city and tow: He used to go dri over mountain and stream, ing his reindeer team. But the sleigh and the reindeer that served him so long And have figured so often in story and song To the fancies of children no longer appeal, And he now makes his rounds in an automobile. We are moving ahead at a wonderful rate, And if Santa Claus cares to be right up to date He will have to prepare, at whatever expense, To come ‘round in an air-ship a year or two hene THRIFT. Manager —" How many of these fifteen-cent ladies’ hose have we in stock ?” Salesman—* Four pairs, sir.” Manager—« Then advertise a special sale on then at five cents a pair, and when we run out we'll offer the hungry mob our twelve-cent hose at nineteen cents a pair. The hose-buying public must be accommodated at any cost.” HIS EXPECTATIONS. First boy—" Expect to get much for Christmas 2” Second bay—" Yep; but Lexpect I won't get noth- ing like wot I expect.” HOW HE FIRED FOLKS. ++ MY! but old. Russell is a storage-attery of energy. just fire one with enthusiasm !" + Yep. [used to work for him, and I never was fired any more enthusiastically by a : Doesn't he SORT OF A SOUFFLE SOUND. “’Sh-s-s-s! They're eating dinner now." * Are you sure?” “Yes: | hear father eating soup.” THE LOGIC OF CHILDHOOD. $¢]MAMMA, you said the other day that if I ate too much of anything Vd get sick of it and never want any more.” “Yes, my son; I know I did. Wh “Well, I think it would be a splendid idea to begin with candy, ice-cream and cream-puffs, and keep on till I'd eaten too much of everything, and then I'd live without eating.” IMPECUNIOUS. S Christmas nears How time does fly! The days are short, ‘And so am 1. THE FIRST QUARREL. Adam— W's all off, Good- bye forever ! ve— Then your rib. take back GREEN Christmas makes a-full- graveyard ; but a “long-green” Christmas makes a full stocking. comicbooks.com