Judge — December 15, 1906 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SHOPPING RAGE. HER jaw is set with purpose stern, Her eye with fre is glowing ; To right and left her elbows churn, To aid her in her going. She jams and jostles one and all In ways she hadn't oughter— And all to buy a present small— Two neckties for a quarter. LURANA W, SHELDON. TOO BAD TO BE TRUE. ‘THE hall-bedroom boarder, who had been recently married, rose screaming from his nuptial couch. “What in the world is the matter, dear- est!" exclaimed his bride. “IT dreamed,” and he shuddered almost to the swooning point at the memory; “I dreamed that I saw a forest scene like the one in-the home-made oil painting in my room at the boarding-house.” Reminding him of the impossibility of such a thing, the young woman managed to quiet the terrified man. THE USUAL WAY. Dyer—« Have you decided what to give your wife for Christmas ?” 7 Ryer—" No; but she has.” CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. ROFESSOR QUIGGLESTONE, we notice, has re- cently discovered that over 3,525,000 useless and unwished-for Christmas presents are dis- tributed each year. This, the professor de- clares, is an unnecessary waste, and in order to make every Christmas present something that the recipient has really wanted, the pro- fessor has compiled a list of questions which every intending giver should send to his friends, and thus discover what it is they desire. For the benefit of our readers we append the list. 1, How would you like to receive a nice pair of hand-knit slippers for a Christmas present? If'so, what size shoe do you wear ? 2. Do you smoke? What are your favorite brands? 3. Have you any hankering for hand- painted neckties ? 4. Could you use an oil lamp—like they are selling at Blank’s for 98 cents—or are you provided already ? 5. Do you like books? Name one you would like to possess, 6. [have a jardiniére that was given me last Christmas, which I have only used thir- teen times! Would you like to have it? 7. Would you care to have my picture? I would like to give away as many as possible, because I get a cheaper rate the more I buy. 8. If you would like a pair of gloves, state color, size and kind. 9. Is there anything you particularly desire that does not cost over $1.50? If so, what is it? In our opinion, Professor THE ORIGINAL HEIRSHIP. THE LOW-CALITY AND HIGH. M®- BAKER, who had recently become blessed with an abundance of this world’s goods, established his family in a home commen- surate in beauty with his new fortune. Shortly after, an acquaintance met him, and, passing the time of day, asked how the various members of his family were. “ Fine!” was his reply. “You see, it was this way—the doctor says that where we lived, the low-cality, it wasn’t good for us, but now that we've moved into a high-cality, we're all right.”” AND THEN IT TALKED. silence the dumb waiter hung, Disconsolate, gloomy, it swung, Until the fat cook, With a pitying look, Came and put in an order of tongue, OUR INQUIRY COLUMN. O you think it improper to wear peekaboo waists when one has pimples on the shoulders and back ?—Amaryllis, That depends entirely on how peekaboo the waist is, and how big the pimples are, my dear girl. If the component materials of the guimpe are about as opaque as the average sunshiny morning, and the pimples are in the car- buncle class, 1 would advise against it. But if the yoke is almost decent in its transpar- ency, and the pimples are no larger than pin-points, you might wear the peckaboo waist with impunity, or any other garment it goes well with, A LUSUS NATURAE. 68 HAT astonishes you so, my son ?” «Why, there's a man that looks a little like the ones I see in the clothing ads, I” VERY TRUE. HEN the fools are all dead, the rest of the world will get along very well Quigglestone’s questions will revolutionize Christmas giving, and enable people to get ex- actly what they want. STURDY OAK AND CLINGING VINE. ‘Tue wire—“‘At the meeting to-day of the Ladies’ Soclety of Psychical Research, we discussed woman's dependence on the stronger male personality." Tue Huseann—" Yes, my darling "— Tue wire—' And, William, I never before so forcibly realized what a little clinging vine | am!" without us, RITUALISM is the cory cor- ner of religion. comicbooks.com