Judge — December 8, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Q," said Ma ‘All, in a rather indifferent tone of voice, and with a distinct rising inflection. “Q?" replied Tim inquiringly, w'th a broad smile on his red, chubby face. “ An ox's or mebbe a heifer’s.” “Q," came again from the lips of Ma ‘All, and in exactly the same tone of voice. The boy was more amused than before. * Yer doan't mane a Celestial’s queue, | suppose,” inquired Tim, with a spark of mischief in his big blue eyes. “Q.” was all that Ma ‘All condescended to say, as she withdrew. her portly form and abruptly closed the door on the mystified boy, whom she resented jollying her. I had caught this scrap of the extraordinary conversation while glancing over a newspaper on my way down town the other morning, and though I confess having slackened pace to hear wnat it meant, it was some time before I could arrive at an interpretation, and thereby hangs the tale. Now, the gist of this tale does not involve a letter of the alphabet, as the reader might too easily conclude; neither does it refer to a bovine or a Celestial appendage, as others might fondly imagine. It is a sentence—a whole sentence. Into this diphthong are magically compressed no less than eight letters. How clever! Doubtless Ma ‘Ail had taken the cue from Mr. Theodor Rusvelt, Mr. B. Mathuse, and Mr. Andru Carnegy. The sentence we are about to demonstrate was one of Ma ‘All's politest and most dignified expressions of assent to every offer of compliance with her requests. To decipher its esoteric meaning at first hand, Iwas obliged to bring it carefully under the light of a rigidly con- structed logistic syllogism : Q=Kyyou. K’ you = Thank you. . +. Q= Thank you, HONK! HONK! “*An’ what's become o’ that brother 0° yours?” A SCRIPTURAL CHIDING. fin ociaee THERE dwells in Evanston, IIL, “He don't. He's got a job as chauffeur." a young woman who takes vocal lessons that have been in ‘THE SIMPLIFIED METHOD OF MA ’ALL, the “lala” stage so long that MA (ALL was apparently the woman's name; at any she is even less enamored of rate, it was the only appellation the neighborhood the sound of her own voice in ever afforded her. Like the President of the United such senseless babbling than States, she was noted for her thrift in the spelling of words, when she began it some months She was as saving of letters as a miser of pennies—clipped since. Her daily practice is the them, in fact, and seldom delivered the full measure, bane of her existence. She yearns They were deficient in quantity, not to speak ot quality. to go somewhither outside the Her aiches especially lacked adhesive power, but when range of her fellow-creatures’ they did happen to stick, it was usually in the wrong hearing whenever the «la-la” time place. Everyone, therefore, knew the place of her of day arrives, The other day she was engaged in this unpleasant (to her) occupa- nativity. tion, when she reverted idly to a habit long since acquired, and opened at random + You'll fetch us a fine fat tail to-morrow, then,” said Bible that lay beneath her hand on the table in her room. Ma ‘All to the butcher's boy, the first morning he called Placing her thumb at the paragraph first discovered, she glanced down to see after accepting his new position. what she had thus chosen, and read the fifth verse of the sixth chapter of the book “Yis ‘um; yer kin joost bet I wull,” Tim responded of Job, which runs as follows : “Doth the wild ass bray when he hath grass? or loweth the ox over his fodder?” Her practice stopped instantly, cutting a vigorous ** la" in two. And now it is going to be hard work to convince that devout young person that she has not been provi- dentially ordered to quit taking voice lessons. MARKET TERMS. * Arun on canned goods.” AN INFALLIBLE RULE, ae M® JAMES is very fond of mushrooms,” said Mrs. James, «but Iam so fearful of his eating toadstools that I almost never get them, [wish I knew a way to tell the difference.” know an infallible rale.” “Do tell me, and I shall be your everlasiing friend.” . “If you die, it's toadstools ; if you live, rooms.” READY FOR BUSINESS, WALKING along the Strand I saw one of the most unique and, at the same time, grewsome ad- uy HT / vertisements that have ever fallen across my path. It was a dentist's cheerful way of attracting patronage. iil Hi Heaatilty Ny y SAND, 120 Underneath his sign was a good-sized glass case, hold- sue WHeNCT comes 70 BUTE. ATI ing a peck or so of teeth, and from it was suspended this enlightening statement: **We've taken out all these, ightening “*Goodness, Mistah Waitahman, ain't yo’ got nothin’ else ter eat? Ah been Livin’ right nex’ to a chicken-fahm fo’ de las‘ three years.” and are ready to add to our assortment. Come in.” comicbooks.com