Judge, 1906-12-08 · page 7 of 16
Judge — December 8, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes Emperor Wilhelm II's recorded message to the Smithsonian Institution (a real 1914 news item). The cartoon mocks German militarism and the Kaiser's boastfulness through exaggerated German-accented English. The satire ridicules Wilhelm's claims about German military superiority, infrastructure, and innovation. The accent parody emphasizes the "otherness" of Germans to American readers. The Kaiser ironically boasts that German trains run visibly aboveground (implying they're used for military campaigns across conquered lands) rather than hidden underground like American trains—a backhanded admission of aggressive expansionism. The second section's absurd comparisons (odorless limburger cheese, lemonless campaigns, sausages from dogwood bark) deflate German superiority claims through nonsense. The final line—"there is no duty on brains"—suggests Germany lacks intellectual merit. Published during WWI, this represents American anti-German propaganda using ridicule and caricature to delegitimize the enemy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE FISHERMAN, THE DOG AND THE CRAB-A LITTLE STORY IN SIX TURNS. ‘THE KAISER’S RECORD. (Emperor Wilhelm has spoken into a gramaphone record for the Smithsonian Institute.— News item) F LL his eyes vinked at each odder, Und his face vas shmeared mit choy, Und his ears gommenced to fludder— He vas habby like a poy. Und his kind heart kept flip-flapping As he shpoke in wobbly tone All dese presshus vords for canning In der tinny gramaphone : Lieber Eingemachter Laeberglasse-Fressers und Saurbratten-Gesellschaft-Arbiter—Der Cher- man Umpire has der greatest shtanding army in der vorld und elsevhere—und dey don’d haf to shtand holding on to shtraps, eeder—no, ma’am. Ve don‘d haf our trains buried under der ground, vhere nobody can see dem—no, sir. Ve got dem righd on der oudside ohf der vorld, vhere ef'rypody can see dem, pecause ve ain'd ashamed ohf dem und don‘d vant to hide dem oud ohf sight. Und ve don’d let dem run too fast, needer, pecause ve vant ef'rypody to get a goot look at dem. Yes, ma'am ; vherefer you go der Chermans lead, odders follow—pecause ve've got prass pands all ofer der earth, und under it, too—yes, sir. Dey got under der earth pecause dey blayed too long in one blace, und der man pehind der gun couldn't shtand it any longer—yes, sir. Den der Kaiser's voice it rested (Und der horn it felt reliefed), Und der medals on his chest did Rattle as his bosom heafed. Und on ends his mustache-hairs shtand, In der sun dey prightly shone, As dese vordlets he vas canning In der tinny gramaphone: You Americanners boasting do ohf vireless mausages—no ; I mean vireless messages—und shmokeless powder ; but «lid you efer invent odorless limburger cheese ? No; you did not. You get oop sour-shweet apples, prickless cactus, und seedless oranges ; but did you efer get oop a lemonless campaign? No; you did not. Or did you efer make sausages out ohf der ground bark ohf a dogvood tree? No, sir; you did not. Ve haf der greatest chargers—no; I mean doctors—in der vorld, who nefer dink ohf cutting oud a apprehendix—dey file it off. Und who gan tell vat ails you py der vay der vind blows? Dere is nodding better dan us—und don'd you forgot it. Sauf wieder zehn ! WP, PITZER, THERE is no duty on brains—the revenue would be too small. comicbooks.com