Judge — December 8, 1906 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A MONOPOLY. Most elusive is Louisa, For I leam, when she is sought, She's a triple corporation And responsible for naught, When I sue her for the damage Which my heart endures in pain, She is Minx, Incorporated In the state of High Disdain. Y a But I find to my rejoicing When | want to steal a kiss, She is Love, Incorporated In the state of Greatest Bliss. MCLANDIURGH WILSON, DECEMBER. OW painfully the dying year «ts tale of triumph tells, ONE ON YAPVILLE. UDDENLY the big red auto came to a stop and began spluttering and gurgling, with an occasional explosion loud enough to be heard a mile away, and the chauffeur ex- citedly leaped out with a bag of tools in his hand and disappeared under the machine. This was nuts for the people of Yapville. They hated an auto like a bull hates a red rag, and the vehicle was soon surrounded by a jeering crowd, and the man And in the woodland, far and near, underneath it was given some suggestions that were __ Sad melancholy dwells. intended to make his hair curl, They didn't seem The stream is silenced ; o'er the lake to bother him in the least, however, In a few min- yyineatenes Taner Boum utes he took his seat again, opened a large package, The chilling breath of snows, and addressed the crowd as follows : “Ladies and gentlemen—A thousand thanks Old age and hoary locks are thine, for your kind suggestions, and while you are here , DcCembers and thy mirth . Is born of mocking harvest wine I want to introduce to your notice Dr. Tuff’s Tooth- And garnered hopes of earth. ache Tablets, the greatest remedy of its kind ever Short is thy day, but as the sheen discovered, and warranted to cure the worst case. Of rose illumes the dawn, of toothache or money refunded. Only ten cents a Sill thy victory be seen yond the coming morn. package, or three packages for twenty-five cents.” CaRuii oe ecb: And before Yapville realized what it was up against, fifteen or twenty packages of the remedy had been sold, and the big auto was only a speck in the dis- tance. An, NOT HASTY IN JUDG- MENT. Laws. Poulterer—\ Was that a good chicken I sold you last Saturda} Customer—"1 don't know. We couldn't bite far enough into it to catch the flavor.” HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING. seDAw.” pa’ Yes, Tommy.” “If you and T were both of a size would you say and do so many things to me that make me feel like fighting back 2" AS BAD AS THAT? “Phin Oi wi woife of a janitor. young girl no wan would belave thot some day Oi'd be the “Sure, an’ ye don't mane to tell me ye were as homely as all thot ?” ‘When I would collect the taxes, Richly owing for the years, She is Nymph, Incorporated In an awful state of Tears, MODERN TERSENESS. R (CENTLY a city editor in Ottumwa, lowa, was informed by ‘phone at a late hour that a prominent citizen had died suddenly. Calling one of the reportorial staff, the city ed- itor instructed him hurriedly, and the young man shot out of the office on double quick. Some twenty minutes later he returned, and as he hast- ened to the corner where his typewriter stood, the city editor asked him, “Well, what about it 2” “Oh, nothing,” said the young man, as he began making the keys rattle, “only as Mr. Blank was walking along the street, he says, ‘I'm going to die, and he leaned up against the fence and made good." A LITTLE CARELESS, #6 GHE wrote a dandy sensible article for the maga- zines on how to live on a thousand a year, but none of them would buy it.” ++ How was that 2” “She forgot to have any money left over to sub- scribe for magazines.” GUESS AND RECKON. ‘T was a Vermonter and aman from Dixie land, who were taking part in an animated discussion on the merits of a particular mat- ter, when the Green Moun- tain son said, “+1 guess so. This nettled the south- erner, and he called his friend to task for using so manifestly discourteous an expression, saying, * With us, we never guess; we al- ways say ‘reckon.’ “ That's all ri ht,” the northerner's rejoinder, ++ but the chief difference is that when we guess, we're a heap sight nearer right than when you reckon.” was comicbooks.com