Judge — November 24, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NAMING A LINER. ‘THE elegant transatlantic steamer was plowing her way toward Sandy Hoo!:. It was evening, and twenty or thirty men, mostly Americans, yawned in the smoking-saloon, for conversation flagged. Finally the mate wandered in and the talk turned to the subject of twentieth - cen- tury navigation, the question of the limit of speed and ele- gance at last coming up. “Our com- pany would build more boats,” said the mate jocosely, “only it's so hard to find names for new vessels ; for all names used by our company must end in the usual ‘ic,” like Gothic, Roman- ic, Coptic, Bal- : tic, Adriatic, Arctic, Olympic, etc., and it’s plagued hard to find that kind.” “That's all nonsense, claiming you can’t find names,” said a fur- niture man from Grand Rapids. **I'll bet every man here can think of a name ending in ‘ic,’ and one which the company is not at present UP ON HISTORY Teacuen—" Henry, what caused the downfall of the Roman empire?" Henry—"' Don't know, mum, ‘nless he gave a wrong decision in de nint’ innin’s, where de score wuz a t'ree men on bases an’ two strikes on de batter.’ using. All right,” said the mate. + Suppose you try first.” “Happy to accommodate. This being the age of electricity, I should call the next boat the Magnetic.” “+1,” chimed in a doctor humorously, ‘should be forced to sug- gest either Paregoric or Phthisic.” “And I, being a horse-doctor,” said the next man, “should of course name her the Epizootic.” The philosopher came next. Dialectic, the Cryptic, the Geometric, or the Prismat The next man in line was the pessimist. “1 don't care what 4 | | you call ‘em,” he } growled ; « but there's plenty of names. Try calling one, consider- ing some of the peo- ple who travel on them, the Lunatic, or the Fanatic, or the Eccentric—you might call it the Panic, Ah, Thave it! Name the next one the Cynic.” “Our last speak- yer should: havi the Sarcastic served a man with a pleasant face and voice. Why not try the Music, or the Eu- phonic, or the Ex- otic?" “Or the Epilep- tic, chimed in the doctor again. “You might call her the Garlic,” said aman who might be an Italian. “The Sciatic,” said the horse-doctor. “The Dyspeptic,” added somebody else. “ Suppose you call the next liner the Ci it \ f, each year to think of new Thanksgiving jokes.”” Tue Aupience (with one vwice)— “TEARS, IDLE TEARS." Cuairman (day after Thanksgiving)—"* Now that we have passed resolutions of sympathy for our departed brethren, let us also offer our condolence to the comic artists who struggle so hard jear! hear! There was a_bilious- looking individual in the corner who had been sick all the way over, and it was his turn next. “Tshould call her the Emetic,” he said. J-F. ROMINSON. IN THE INDIANA LIT- ERATURE BELT. HE chil ously. “ What is the matter 2” I asked him, pitying his grief. “She,” pointing to his mother, *won't—let_ me— wallop—my doder in the sop !"’ he exclaimed, his grief terrible, This was not in Heli- goland, or any foreign coun- try; neither did it sound like Esperanto. As a mat- ter of fact, it was spoken in Indiana, where the authors come from, and where chil- dren are born, as it were, with encyclopaedias in their mouths, The scene was a farmers’ hotel in a small city, which was sustained by the agricultural community about it. Dinner was being served, and as I entered the dining-room on this Saturday—a grea. day for the rural population to “come to town'"—I heard this three- year-old’s voice raised high in protest at something. At his side sat his mother. The situation led me to ask the question as to the cause of his grief. I asked the mother to explain her child’s strange utter- ance. «There !" she said disgustedly, pointing to an empty plate, the bottom of which was covered with gr: «He wants to lick the dish with his corn-bread, I'm not teachin’ him manners for not! was crying furi- JUDGE'S FAVORITES. IDA CRISPI, WITH THE ‘* DOLLY DOLLARS “* ‘COMPANY. Wherever you appear in the “Dolly Dol- lars" show We observe a public trend toward that wicket Where the miserly old world lets its jolly dollars go a For the worthless pléce of paper called a ticket. MADE UP HER MIND, A CITY grammar. school teacher asked her children what they were going to be when they grew up. The boy pupils declared intentions in the way of street-car motormen, ship-cap- tains, burglars, and presidents. The girls alternated between school-teachers and nurses. One little girl had been silent dur- ing the questioning. “Mabel,” said the teacher, noticing her reticence, + what do you intend to be ?” « I'm going to be a mother,” replied Mabel decisively. Mrs.van Autten (to Professor Billings) —" My dear profess- or, I did so enjoy your lecture on geol- ogy! It’s an awfully interesting subject. I hope soon to be able to snatch a couple of weeks off and ‘Second the motion!" learn it.” comicbooks.com