Judge — November 24, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN OLD MOSSBACK. S6\VAS Croesus a very rich man, pa “For his time, my son; but I don’t suppose he could be elected to the United States enate to-day.” i A DISSTINK-TION. WITH- OUT A DIFFERENCE. 66 LTARK 2" said the first buz~ zard. + Doth not some- thing edible assail my nostrils with its perfume 2” “You must be getting hard of smelling,” scornfully said a younger buzzard. «That's only the breeze from a cold-storage plant.” Whereupon both turned pale with nausea and took a fresh chew of pepsin-gum. MATRIMONIAL. $60 the girls in your school have any training that will fit them for the duties of a wife? “Yes, Mrs. Blank» Every graduate from this institution is an authority on fairy-tales.” Crotty Boy—" Well, if yer shoot him you're only ten cents out. ! ve HIS PRICE, Bor~" Want ter buy a good dog ter go huntin’ wid? “* In what respect is he a good dog to go hunting with? Dat’s his price.” ETIQUETTE. F YOU'RE dining with a neighbor it is well to recollect That your manner should be pleasant For there's nothing more annoying than the prese Who is too reserved and bashful to be happy with the rest. pd your actions circumspect ; a guest A joke is always welcome, and it’s really very neat To remove a chair from under as a lady takes her seat ; And to pass the time of waiting, while the butler serves the drinks. You can whistle something catchy, or indulge in forty winks. If you do not like your partner do not shun her in despair ; Simply ask her how her grandson is, or where she buys her hair. And if questions cannot move her it will not do any harm To insert a toothpick firmly in the muscles of her arm. HAVE THEIR EFFECT. 66] WISH the magazines would stop printing these long articles about the servant problem,” said the woman with the worried expression “TL don't,” said the other woman think the question should be threshed ou see a magazine with an article telling how helpless we of our dictatorial servants, how we are afraid to oppose them, and how I'm glad they print them, I full, and I'm glad when ¢ in the hands they really rule us.” “That's just the troul magazines and reads them, Why, do you know, my cook buys those nd then strikes for more wages and more evenings out at once. «you want a little mor Always signify your wish by stamping loudly on the f Should the soup be over-seasoned do not show that you are vexed 5 Gently pour it down the collar of the fellow sitting next. If a dish is to your liking, You should always kiss the waitress if her charms are to your taste, And whene’er she lingers near you put your arm around her waist. It will please your host and hostess if you give three hearty cheers And purloin 1 teaspoons in the way of sou ‘Though you may be deemed eccentric, your companions will agree the centre of attraction and of popularity. Only follow these instructions, using tact and constant care, And you'll die a social hero and a bloated millionair PROXIMITY. y train was packed to the doors with suffering humanity. imultancously be- HE subw Suddenly a little man stancing in the aisle thought him of pickpockets and of some money in his outer coat- pocket. He plunged his hand therein and was somewhat shocked at encountering the fist of a fat fellow-passe latter, 1 caught you that time ! * retorted the little man; slegyo my hand !" © Pickpocket !" hissed the fat man. + Scoundrel!" the other yelled. ‘Then a tall person in their vicinity looked up from his paper. «I get off here,” he drawled, +50 you fellows had better take your hands out of my pocket.” snorted the THE GAME THAT GIVES APPETITE—CURIOUS APPEARAN| F THE BALL DURING THE LAST HALF. comicbooks.com