Judge — September 29, 1906 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SMOKE RINGS. CONSIDERING how long ago they had their last’ real *-scrap, those Cubans seem re- markably little out of practice. Germany, says a foreign dis- patch, has become the premier bee country of Europe. That buzzing in the Kaiser's bonnet is now explained. Not much use bothering with spelling reform, just when the Esperanto congress is put- ting the finishing touches on a brand-new universal language. If that earthquake had struck Juan Fernandez in Cru- soe’s time, it’s dollars to dough- nuts he'd have managed some- how to keep the old island atloat a while longer. Since Winston Churchill ad- dressed the Old People’s Associ- ation of Cornish, N.H., the other day, ihere is a growing suspicion that he is out also for the office of oldest inhabitant. Hard on the heels of the re- port that Rio de Janeiro’s stock of champagne was exhausted came the announcement that the THE GOOD WHEAT AND THE TARES. 7 Pan-American congress meeting ** How goes the fight against the tares, Brother Higgins? : “Wa-al, | ain't bin on one sence the caounty-fair, pahson.”* there had adjourned, Another case of cause and effect ? ‘THE SCIENCE OF KILLING PEOPLE LAGS. + Civilization,” says William Jennings Bryan in his new book, + is LEARLY the science of killing people is in its infancy. the harmonious development of the human race." Well, well, Mr. Some effort on the part ofautomobilists, for instance, Bryan, that part of the race known as the American Democracy will has been made to reduce it toa system, but gener- stand a lot more civilizing. ally speaking, it is all crude and new. People are being killed everywhere at hap- A PARENT'S DIFFICULTIES. hazard. There is no concerted plan. We seem 64 \A7HAT are you erying for, Bertie?" to be governed largely by impulse. We den’t put “Lwish [had a little boy to play with me.” any thought into it. We are ashamed to say that + You're too big now to cry for some one to play with." in many cases the killing of people is merely inci- + Well, then, get me a wife.”” dental. There are naturally two sites to every ques- THE JOKE-CAR. tion, Many will say, no doubt, that this is a pessimistic way of looking : EARNED the money for his auto by writing jokes," at it, They will point to our surgeons, to our war-makers and to our a he told mie-isayé he-calls it the « bonmot ‘corceais”* railroad companies, , True. Nevertheless, much more might be done. It is assumed that people, as a rule, object to being killed. This is agreat mistake, In reality, they like it. If too many escape with their lives each year they begin to murmur. Science is settling down. { TONES ‘Things are getting slow. We are all back numbers. =s HONE Most people nowadays expect to be killed at least once in their 55 nN BEST lives. They look forward to it with satisfaction, They would be dis- appointed if they died naturally. Some of them, who are only maimed or 4 POLICY crippled and have toylive on, never recover from the shock of the : escape. They feel that they have been cheated out of their just dues. It is probably true that more pe ire being killed to-day th: ever before. But this ought not to be a matter of too much pride. For one thing, there are more people. And then, through no credit of most of us, it's easier. A great many more peop'e mg ite killed than are now if we all stood together and insisted upon our rights. Think of the great num ber who are now walking about in good health, who ought to have been run over and smashed up long ago! What's to be done about it? Are we to submit to all this careless regard for human life? The prices for killing are certainly low enough. There is no trouble about that. And there are more people than there should be. There's no doubt about that. With the price right and such splendid methods as we use, why q should there be any limit ? It’s worth looking into. ‘Tost Sasson. ~ a4 Simpkins—* When is your son coming home from college 2” CA ALL 0——N NEVER HEARD OF IT BEFORE. Tompkins—* \n about six months, I guess; he has been gone six e : . HE BLACK BI cerer—"' Honesty! esty! 1 nevah played months, and he writes that he is half-back now. dat & BLACK BUNCO*STEBRER: eaty!! Honesty, Pray comicbooks.com