Judge — September 22, 1906 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘ THE HOSPITABLE GRIDIRON CLUB OF TIMBERTON. Kino oF tHe Cannigat Istes (to the new missionary\—* We cordially invite you to attend our Gridiron Club dinner to-night. You'll be roasted, but you mustn't mind that. HIS GOOD REASON. HE temperance revival was proceeding with éclat. The word éclat is a very cultured word, of which few know the meaning. Many persons had bade a fond good-bye to the liquor-breath and affixed their John Hancocks to a large blue pledge. Hardly a toper or topress in the village had withheld his or her name from the blue quarter-sheet, or his or her influence from the cause. It was a regular total-abstinence debauch—that’s what it was. But one man held out, though nobody could fath- om why. He was the village milkman, and though he was not a fierce tank, yet he was some pumpkins when it came to special days, when the wild boys were supposed to be all lit up. He had sat and wept under the spell of the orator who was enumerating the countless cases in which a sin- gle glass of ginger ale, spiked with lemonade or root-beer, had sent some hitherto stainless boy reeling and shrieking out into the night to hamstring his grandfather before yielding to delirium tremens. Yet the milkman would not sign. He would only shake his head and sob even more pitifully. At last he was surrounded by three of his bosomest friends, who brought to bear such insistence that he simply had to loosen up the reason reservoirs of his innermost self and make a clean wishbone of the whole thing. Choking back the sobs, he said, ++ Men, it is wrong to drink intoxicating liquor. I mean the liquor, It has been on my free-list for many yea quit it and fall in with the onward march of the good cause instantly but for the fact that it would ruin my business to do so.” + Ruin your business!" they cried with one voice. “You betchee !" exclaimed the milkman. «How long do you suppose my customers would stick alfer it became rumored that I was on the water-wagon ?* Seeing the force of his argument, they could only weep with him. srmceuano w. onus, T admit it freely— I would HERE are men who never go ahead because they are so sure they are right. A RIDDLE, MY stole you'l find the bumper crop 5 Behead me, I'm the weather. Behead again and you will see What we all do together. THE INERTIA OF JONES. SS YVHAT do you suppose is the cause of Jones getting on ti we world so slowly 2” “Pure laziness. That man would actually rather pay rent than move.” AN EASY MARK. Howell— Did that fellow who wanted you to invest have a sure thing, as he claimed 2” Powell— Yes; 1 was it." A FONETIC ADVANTAGE. “There's wan foine thing about this foonatic shpellin'—a man kin come home full as a goat an’ wrolte jist as sinsible a shpelt letter as he kin whia he's sober.”" comicbooks.com