Judge — September 22, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY 225 Fourtn Ave ,New Yorx. Canto Appress,“JopcarK.” Tat. 2214 Gramencr, UNITED STATES AND CA One copy, one ys One copy, six m0 One copy, tor thirteen weeks FOREIC 4 saLas-acunrs—/atermational News Company, Bream's building, 1313 Harford Building, Chicago, Mk. TERMS TO SUBSCRIDERS: A IN ADVANCE. countries in the postal union, $4.59 year. Avenue del" Opera, Paris: Saaréack's News Exchange, Mains, Germany. incl The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this conyright will be promptly and Pigorously prosecute. CONTRIBUTORS must inctose a stamped and self-addressed erioeiove with all manascrots, otherwise return of the Latter when found enavailale cannot be guarantees. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Desartment should have the sender's full name and adress written plainty on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying joke or descricteve lelter-oress should in ébery instance be writien upon its indvoidaal picture, and NOT upon a senarate siip of paver. inciosure of stamps to the fall amount of postage is also required, 10 insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. 11 JUDGE cannot be found at aay sews-stand, (be publishers will be under obligations if that fact be promptly reported oa postal-card or by letter. THE PROBLEM OF THE LANGUAGE-TINKERS. JUDGE presents in this issue some samples of phonetic spelling which for novelty and popular approval have never been surpassed. The names of Josh Billings and Artemus Ward will long survive in the annals of our literature. Perhaps no other writers have come so near embodying the subtle and fantastic genius of Ameri- can humor, The worst that can be said of the attempt of the Simplified Spelling Board, suddenly and enormously re-en- forced by President Roosevelt, to shorten and phoneticize the language is that the people instantly identified it with the old comic buffoonery of the Phaenix-Ward- Billings spelling. Of course it must be |, in justice to the simplified spellers, that they have proposed no such phonetic extremes. In fact, nearly two-thirds of the suggested omissions have already been sanctioned by the dictionary-makers. We take it that public opinion has shied not so much at the change per se as at the pros- pect of this being done abruptly and arbitrarily. It is probably a fact that the growth of language, now and always, has been the result rather of pure chance than of any reasoned or purposed improvement. To be effective it would seem that the dictionary must be tinkered on the quiet, in secret. \MJOHNSONTOWN takes another step forward and establishes a school to prepare the girls to be wives. Nothing is to be left for the home to do, it seems. WE ASKED the simplified spellers to simplify “graft,” and now, after months of anxious waiting, we rise to remark that they have evi- dently tackled something already as simple as it can be. A MARRIAGE STOPPED AT THE ALTAR. UDGE feels that one of the most humiliating situations in life is that where a marriage is stopped at the altar. There ought to be some re- source of wit or shrewdness either on the part of the bride or the bride- groom to head off such a disheartening dénouement. It is such a ridicu- lous anti-climax to life’s sweetest romance. Yet, in spite of the awful warnings of all too frequent experience, it goes right on happening again and again. We have but recently seen the aged but still loving spinster of Democracy array herself in nuptial splendor to receive her long-time brilliant wooer, William J. Bryan. After incredible hindrances and postponements, extending over a decade, it did seem as if a sure mitch had at length been arranged. Invitations had gone out to the whole uni- verse, consents had been obtained from the entire brood of foster-fathers and guard- jans who had been the most implacable foes of the groom. Everything was sai ing atong toward a happy consummation, and then, right before the altar, a snag turned up and the whole brilliant ceremony collapsed, and the best-advertised political betrothal of the age went wrong. From present appearances, the industriously- wooed and far-chanted Democratic har- mony is all off. What a pity that such a tender romance should go to pieces in such fashion! Alas! there is many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip. ERMONT went Republican, though fusion did its worst. Pennsyl- vania papers please copy. IGLO-SAXONS will unite to improve tongue, pipes a headline. Is N A this the result of the Jungler industry? JHE Hon. Charles E. Hughes appears to be one of the old-fashioned kind of statesmen. He has learned to keep his mouth shut BY THE WAY, what has become of all the potted-chicken furore that so lately filled the world with noise? Truly, nothing lasts nowadays. OME to think, maybe it’s just because Mr. Bryan would rather fight and lose than to win without—making a few speeches now and then. BY THE WAY, Fusion Candidate Emery of Pennsylvania must be rightly named, judging by the way the sparks fly when anybody goes up against him. ‘THE CASE OF A SELF-SLAIN BANK-WRECKER. THE RECENT notorious collapse of a great financial institution in Phila- delphia, following the suicide of its head, and the after story of his What oe wrong-doing, supplies ample food for the moralist and the casuist. a queer side-light on the ways of men is afforded by the stories of the strenuous professions of the dead financier! For in- stance, it is said that he would not read a ‘Sunday newspaper, and that he was known far and wide among his religious brethren for his stand on this question. So im- pressed were they by this one resistance to the spirit of the age that they trusted him devoutly with their all. Clergymen made him the custodian of their salaries, religious funds were confided to his care, and faith apparently asked no further proof of his character than this one article of his Sunday creed. When will people learn to assess the mere accidentals of a Christian profession at their face-value? The stout insistence on a news- paperless Sabbath may not mean very much, and those who have suffered a disabling financial loss in the Philadelphia wreck have probably learned that lesson well. SE tle while back. What's the matter? ‘THOUGHT Br'er Bryan was going to travel abroad some more? One taste of the stump, it seems, was too much. The terrible habit seized him again. THE Hon. Roger C. Sullivan is a tolerably brisk talker when he gets started. Maybe the Hon. W. J. B. wishes now he had not talked quite so much. EMS to be less talk about Bryan’s running-mate than there was a lit JOTE—Rising thermometer in vicinity of Buffalo and Look out for squalls and sharp drops. Several booms WEATHER N saratoga. likely to go to smash. WHAT a lot of people have had to come back this year from over sea before we could go ahead with our affairs—Bryan, Hughes, McClel- lan, Stensland—and there is Croker, who says he'll come back if we don’t do the right thing to Billy B. comicbooks.com