Judge — September 22, 1906 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

age CREDIT LOFTISSYSTEM You Assume No Risks When Dealing With Us JUy'S PRIMMER UV NU SPELLINGS, COMPILED FROM JOSH BILLINGS AND A, WARD. (Continued “rom preceding page.) Tha roost on the ground, similar tew the mud turkle. ‘Tha oftin go tu sleep standing, and sum times pitch over, and when tha dew, tha enter the ground like a pickaxe. Thare food consis o korn in the ear. Tha crow like a jackass, troubled with the bronskeesucks. Tha will eat as mutch tu onst as a district skule master, and ginerally sit down rite oph tew keep from tipping over. Tha are dredful unhandy tew cook, yu hav tu bile one eend ov them tu a time, ya kant git them awl into a potash kittle tu onst. Inever owned but one and he got choked tu deth bi a kink in a clothes line, ot until he had swallered 18 feet ov it. ‘ot enny shanghi for me, if yu pleze; i wuld rather board a travelling kol- porter, and as for eating one, give me a biled owl rare dun, ot a turkee buzzard, roasted hole, and stuffed with a pair ov injun rubber boots, but not enny shanghi for me, not a shanghi ! but Le NO. 5.—MOLLASSIS KANDY. Thare iz a grate deal ov humin natur in a stik of mollassis kandy, i judge this, bekauze mi little grandson iz alwus reddy tew invest hiz only penny in it. I dont kno az i want tew bet enny money, and giv odds, on the man, who iz alwus anx- ious tew pray out loud, every chance he kan git. Nine men out ov every 10, that yu meet in New York City, are in a grate hurry, and are either mad, petulant, or sassy, and the reazon iz tha are all ov them in pursuit ov munny, and only one out ov 10 gits it. Next tw the man who iz wuth a millyun, in point ov wealth, iz the man, who dont kare a kuss for When yu strike ile, stop boring, menny a man has bored klean thru, and let all the ile run out at the bottom. Thav spent a large porshun ov mi life in hopeing, and praying that every boddy mite be suckcessful, and happy, and i intend tew speni a grate deal more time in the same bizzness, but i am satisfied that the phi- losophy ov the whole thing iz kontained in this passage, “' the devil take the hind- most.” Suckces$ dont konsist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one the seckond time. Early genius iz like early cabbage, dont head well. Menny a man haz lost a good posishun in this world, bi letting go, tew spit on hiz hands, Ifa man haz got 80 thousand dollars at interest, and owns the house he livs in, it aint mutch trouble to be a philosopher. ARTEMUS WARD AND A. LINKUN. Ihav no politics. Nary aone. I'm not in the bisiniss. If 1 was I spose I should holler versiffrusly in the streets at nite and go home to Betsy's side smellen of coal ile and gin, in the mornin. I should g0 to the Poles arly, I should stay there I should see to it that my nabers I should git carriges to take the kripples, the infirm and the indignant thar. I should be on guard agin frauds Ishould be on the look out for famus lise of the enemy, got up jest 4 clecshun for perlitical effeck. When was over and my candydate was elect- 1 should move heving & erth—so to until I got orfice, which if I didn’t orfice I should turn round and abooze Administration with all my mite snd c. But I'm not in the bisiniss. I'm far more respectful bisiniss nor what ties ii. TL wouldn't giv two cents to Congresser, The wuss insult I ever ved was when sertin citizens of Baldinsville axed me to run fur the Legislater. My frends, dostest think I'd stoop to that there?" They turned as white as I spoke in my most orfullest tones, & they knowd I wasn’t to be trifled They slunked out of site to onet. (Continued on next page.) alll day. was thar, sich. et Mothers will nd Mrs, Winslow's Sootn-|__ Nothing will quicker revolutionize the sys-| ‘86 <srup the best remedy for their children. ase abotle, | tem and put new life into it, than Abbott's An- We Are Ready to ad om Approval any Diamant, Watch or «ther plece of 00 Th wetration and. Waltham Watches, Ladies” aod Gents” ita, from 410.00 Mace of Jewelry. Select BROS. CS 7 article you wish and it will be YJ wasintaciory reain , partag one-8tth caun aad the talauce itestirely "equal monthly page LOR TIS RANG SPM ai, eitcicd ile, ek gostura Bitters. At druggists’ and grocers’, UP THE BACK, Wife—“ When we were engaged you loved to tie up ty slipper.” Husband —“ Well, why in thunder can't you have your clothes fasten the same way ?"—New York Sun. GOT WORSE EVERY TIME. The Edinburg (Virginia) Sentinel says : “+ Aunt’ Belle Tappy is very poorly this week. We have mentioned her several times in our items, and she is now in a dangerous condition.” HUNTER BALTIMORE RYE FINEST PRODUCT OF THE STILL THE AMERICAN GENTLEMAN'S ‘WIISKEY MENNEN’S BORATED TALCUM TOILET POWDER for After Shaving. P 4 that your barber utes Menren’ Intending purchasers of a STRICTLY CLASS. Phang; ‘oF Piano and. Sell-Player combined, examine the merits of the world SOHMER PIANOS and the “SOHMER - CECILIAN™ Inside Players, which surpass all others. ‘Catalogue mailed on application. SOHMER & COMPANY, New Yerk. Was Cor. Sth Ave. 224 St. A SLIGHT OMISSION. Captain (to soldier in baliooning-divi- ision)— Now, then, Gruenzug, in with you—sharp !" Soldier (advances hesitatingly toward the car of the balloon and then stops)— «Please, sir, in my oath of allegiance 1 swore to be true and faithful on land and water—but there was nothing said about air."—Muskete, Bad habits never seem so terrible to the one who has them after he gets over the headaches from them.—. V. Press. FROM a list of fifteen weeklies considered, Juoce has just been se- lected as one of three me- diums to be used during the coming year by one of our largest National adver- tisers, the only humorous weekly to be used and the third renewal of this ‘ur customers. ‘kaimple views fo 1K, Noulerard St. Martin, Prarie, France, ME, Quality AROMATIC DELICACY— MILDNESS— PURITY At your clabor dealer's SURBRUG-Importer The Egyptian Cigarette comicbooks.com