Judge, 1906-06-30 · page 3 of 17
Judge — June 30, 1906 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The page contains several unrelated satirical items. At top, "Fads and Fancies" shows two tramps discussing being "fad" — likely mocking contemporary trends. "The Diary of a Roman" presents a first-person account of intervening in a street altercation involving a man named Skinnius Slatius (an invented classical name for comic effect), who appears to be a streetcar conductor. The satire mocks both urban crime and the pomposity of invoking Roman history for mundane modern incidents. The remaining sections—"Didn't Wish to Be Disturbed," "Perfectly Willing," and "Deserves It, Eh?"—are brief dialogue jokes about domestic life and social etiquette, typical of Judge's humor. The advertisements (Snyder Bros. Coffee, White Crest dairy) indicate this is a commercial publication mixing editorial content with paid promotion.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FADS AND FANCIES, First tramp—"' Say, Bill, wot's a ‘fad *?" Seconp trame—*' Anyt'ing dat's lots uv trouble an’ no earthly use.” First tramp—" Say, Bill, we must be * fads.’ *” THE DIARY OF JULIUS, (Being certain fragments dug up from beneath the ruins of the ancient Roman forunt,) Januarius 17th, WAS just in time to save a friend from serious trouble to-day. As I was strolling along the Appian Way I heard a great commotion. half a block up the street. Hurrying as much as was consistent with my dignity, I arrived upon the scene in time to see a man cutting the throat of another man. A policeman came up at this juncture and collared the aggressor. “T've got you dead to rights this time !” he gloated. Caught you wit’ de goods! You fer de electric chair!" And he started to walk away with his prisoner. Just then I caught a glimpse of the guilty one’s face, and horror filled my soul. I sprang forward, “ Officer,” I exclaimed, + that’s Slattius, the wheel-horse of my ward The officer was the picture of chagrin. «I'm new on de beat,” he explained con- tritely. “I just came in from de fog-belt. G'wan, now, ye young divil!" he chuckled, giving Skinnius a playful slap on the back. Skinnius Slattius disappeared, looking for another victim, and the officer turned to me with a chuckle. ** Boys wil! be boy he said. farmer who had unwittingly expectorated upon the sidewalk. And then he rushed across the street to arrest a LOWELL OTUS REESE, DIDN'T WISH TO BE DISTURBED. Mistress—«| am sorry to trouble you, Bridget, but my husband wants his break- fast to-morrow at 5:30." Cook—** Oh, it won't be no throuble at all, mum, if he don’t knock nothin’ over whoile cookin’ it an’ wake me up.” PERFECTLY WILLING. Mrs. Farmer— Wouldn't you like to hoe the cabbage-patch ? example from the little busy bees and "“— Weary Willie—* I'm willin’ ter, mum. Jest ez soon ez I see a bee grab a hoe an’ hike it to de cabbage-patch I'll do de same t'ing.”” Why not take DESERVES IT, EH? HE innocent bystander who gets it in the throttle with such marked regularity is usually more of a rubberneck than anything else. THE EVOLUTION OF SNYDER BROTHERS. THE fence along the old pike road Tl ne'er forget, for mem'ry clings About the streaky ads. that told Where one could buy all earthly things. Along old Skinner's pasture-land A piece of fence this message bore : But time passed on. The little town Where Snyder Bros. had their place Became a city, and the firm Of Snyder Bros. grew apace. Along old Skinner's pasture-land ‘The march of progress showed like this : A month ago I wandered back Along the old pike road, and lo! The trolley-cars buzzed swiftly past— "Twas not the place I used to know. At Skinner's rolling pasture-land The change o'ershadowed all the rest. A gorgeous house and lawns were there, ‘And out in front was EVEN SO. THE days when a fellow’s father and mother supply him with grub and clothes are his palmy and malmy days. comicbooks.com