Judge, 1906-05-05 · page 3 of 16
Judge — May 5, 1906 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The page features two pen-sketch portraits of men smoking cigarettes at the top, labeled "INFERENCE," with a brief dialogue below about a girl's character. Below are three distinct text sections: "THE RULING PASSION" (a poem about a family's domestic drama involving a young man named Corbett and inheritance), "LITTLE EDITORIALS TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK" (including an essay questioning why trees grow upward rather than downward), and "AS USUAL" (humorous exchanges about Father Time and Mother Time). The content appears primarily **editorial and humor-focused** rather than overtly political satire. The sketches and accompanying joke seem to represent generic social types rather than specific identifiable figures. Without clearer context or captions identifying the portraits, their satirical targets remain unclear.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
INFERENCE. * What kind fa girl is she?" he fs all that is good."* 10 homely as all that?" ‘THE RULING PASSION. THE father of the family was reading Henry George, While Henry James engrossed mamma's attention ; Sweet Sister Ann read Bertha Clay, The Duchess, Laura Jean, And other scribes too numerous to mention, The junior cherub of the house sat o'er the paper bent, And as he read some exclamations uttered. Said pa, ‘My son, what masterpiece are you perusing there?” And the youth held up the sporting-page and muttered, “Young Corbett is practically out of the running on account of his dome- shaped bread-basket. O'Ifooligan wins the game by roping in a daisy-cutter and doubling at second. Mud Duck looks like the candy at 1 to 3. The family looked astonished and held their breath in awe; They thought perhaps their son was feeling ill. Mamma said he was crazy, and antiquated paw Was for calling in the doctor with a pill ; And Sister Ann in wonderment lay down ‘* The Earl's Revenge” To hear what further Jimmy would expose. But, rapt in ecstasy, the youth kept conning o'er the page ‘And handing out these ex-post-facto woes : “Dooley lost the game by making a Svengali pass before Jones's lamps and cut three nicks in the weather. Jimmy Britt denies indignantly that it was a case of pedes frigidi with him at Colma. He went in to win, but an unlooked- for wallop to the liver made him cough up the sponge. Truesdale let four wide ones go by and walked, filling the corners; and Bill Sorrell, at the bat, had a chance to get a strangle-hold on glory—but he didn’t.” “ It doesn't sound like James's later work, I’m sure,” said ma, “« Nor the Single Tax,” said father 'll be durned 1” Then Jimmy took the illustrated pink sheet in his hand And said in words that Ella Wheeler burned, “* You people keep yer classics an’ yer poetry an’ such ; That kind o' dope I don’t find in my line. I don’t go long on Waldo Emerson nor Shake— But the sportin’ editor ’s the man fer mine “Gardner possesses what most fighters lack—a snap punch. The nifty little lightweight certainly owns a whippy crack. On dope Flip Flap, by Hand- Spring-Alvaretta, looks like a winner for true. The first round was tame, and there was nothing doing in the tally-shop ; but Bradley pried open the second spasm with a swat to right.” trro. LITTLE EDITORIALS TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK. Dear reader, Why do Trees Grow Up did you ever stop When it would be much and ask yoursel why Easier to Grow DOWN? trees grow up when it would seem to be so much easier and more natural for them to grow down? Very likely the idea never occurred to you be- fore. That's the way with most people—they take everything for granted. They are good, well-meaning people at heart, but they never THINK. This paper is tired of such people, and it does not pro- pose to put up with them any longer. You have got to think hence- forth or GET OFF THE EARTH. Take such a simple thing as a tree. You see it everyday. But what do you know about it? Noth- ing. Why does part of the tree grow down while another part grows up? Who can tell why the two ends of a tree go in opposite direc- tions, like the two ends of the Democratic party? If you cannot ex- plain so simple a thing as the up-and-down motion of a mere tree how can you expect to know the cause of the ups and downs of such a grand, complex thing as the Democracy? This paper will tell you why a tree grows up. It is because the tree is looking for some- thing HIGHER. How simple it is after you know. What other paper has had the courage to tell the people this? Try to be like the tree. Don’t say it was not born in you. We tell you that you can be not only like a tree, but you can be a tree IF YOU WANT TO. It's up to you. If you insist on growing down when you might grow up, then go ahead, and you'll soon find yourself IN A HOLE. AS USUAL. seyou are Father Time ?” we asked of the venerable individual with the scythe and the hour-glass. “Lam,” he replied, bidding us to jog along beside him, as he would wait for no man. + And where is Mother Time?” we inquired. M «Mother Time? I lost her several centuries ago. She told me that she would be ready to go with me as soon as she got her hat on.” comicbooks.com