Judge — April 21, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ONE BY OLD HANK CALKINS, THE CITY BARD SPEAKS, 6+ AOW, I mind th’ time,” drawled A : EAR reader (if you read at all), old Hank Calkins from the coun- Can you the good old days recall— ter as he applied a match to the sput- The dear old farm in winter time? tering bowl of his pipe and stared at the The jelly and the pickled lime? smooth-shaven face and cropped mus- The lowing of the bossy cow? The farm-hand with his cheery “+ How?"? tache of the stranger through the lt \ ue bd : J And mother in the kitchen bak- smoke; ‘I mind th’ time, three year \ mee . : Ing pies ‘like mother used to make"? ago come June, when I had a purty good 4 Fea “Ths several store where were-Sor sala gardin, th’ seed all planted in th’ moons y Dey tacks tad Se, and where Die al I was grubbin’ th’ cabbage thet day i Came every day at half-past three— when I lost_ my watch—one 0° th’ most “ee . Log exe the daynot RF. Det ackret time-pieces. ‘Mandy an’ me ‘The village cut-up, village band? hunted nigh all th’ mornin’, but next The miles and miles of fertile land? day I had to swap a ca'f with Deacon The postmaster, the blacksmith, eke Vedder fer another watch. Some things of which T cannot speak? Waal, it ran slong’ till about For I don't know the proper thing ale wi For reminiscent bards to sing, Thanksgivin', when th’ ole woman says ; : fer me to git a head o' cabbage fer th’ be ’ ‘Atel Twas cat born ta s.ssiat fea at darter ee ae ae Old burg, and I cannot recall Diiled dinner. I brought up out'n t A SE ‘The these abe post aja eet celler a big head an‘ some cider "—— Ween ket ont emule obit: “Yer alwus do when ye go down f ‘Aldi | borate’ & sabaster Gy, celler,” interrupted Deacon Vedder ma- I can't indite a rural ditty ; T cannot make the tear-drop come liciously. By bringing up “The Dear Old Hum.” «You shut up an‘ let me alone! JUDGE'S FAVORITES. As [was a-sayin’, | brought up th'head Nira ALLEN, of THE KEITH AND PROCTOR VAUDEVILLE ciRcUITS ‘The April shower that dances on the half-sunned slope struck somethin’ hard, Cuttin’ keerful, pier taving | openey ne I opened it, an’ out dropped my watch Sparkling in the myriad foliage—well, that's like you. FRANKLIN from th’ centre o' thet cabbage an’ still a-runnin’ an’ only two minutes behind th’ right time.” ‘These and more things I cannot do, an’ was cuttin’ it in ha'f when my knife ; : But, then, T don't much ca DEFINED. « But how in the name of Time could it be running,” queried the Professor—** Suppose an irresistible force should meet an im- drummer, “after being lost five months?" movable body, what would be the result 2" “Waval, ye see,” answered Hank, ‘it was one o' them curly Student—" \ + merger." heads 0° cabbage, an’ th’ leaves had kept growin’ an’ twistin’ around th’ stem an’ windin’ thet watch till she was most wound tight wher 64] COULDN'T get a seat in the cars to-day.” picked it up, by he ++ Oh, that’s a complaint of long standing.” Nye aN HN il WANTS TO SEE WHOM SHE IS TALKING TO. Youno tapy—“' Aunty, some one is calling you on the long-distance ‘phone.”* Aunt—" My dear child, won't you please answer it? I have my nearsighted glasses on.”