Judge — March 3, 1906 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘Deap-poo Jim—"* Hello, Bill: Bi.—'* Why, do yer think | stole him?” Deav-poo Jim—"* Never! A MILD INSINUATION. AS I rode down off of a spur of the Cumberland mountains into the Poor Fork valley I passed a log cabin with a corn-field ad- joining it on three sides. It was not a very salubrious-looking agri- cultural display; nor was the woman plowing the corn quite what one would look for in a fashion-plate. However, she could probably talk; and as I had to ask the way, which the mountain traveler must do at every oppor- tunity, I hailed her from the road as she came near. She told me what I wanted to know about the way, but I was curious to know a little more about other matters. “Do you own this farm? inquired. “«T reckon I do," she admit- ted, as if she were not especially proud of her possession. ‘How does it happen you are plowing? Are you a widow alone in the world?” There was a note of sympathy in my voice, for I never like to see a woman doing a man’s work, whether it is plowing or voting. « Wuss'n that, stranger,” she responded with a grim smile. “I ain't a widder. That's my hus- band you see settin’ yander on the crick-bank, fishin’.” She continued her plowing, while I continued my journey, and I fancy both of us were of the same opinion. ww. J. LASrTON, KY-SCRAPERS cover a multi- tude of skins! PLAINLY A STRAIGHT TRANSACTION. Whar ‘d ye git the pony?” 1 know yer too well ter think you'd pick a runt like that ter steal. ARGUMENTUM AD HOMINEM. ‘THE Skeptic paused at the door of the Devotee of Science and Health to light a cigar. «There is no flame there,” he said as he struck a match; ‘only the thought of a flame ?” The Devotee nodded. “You really have no index-finger,” continued the Skeptic ; the thought of a finger?” “Only the thought,” assented the Skeptic. “Then,” proceeded the Skeptic, extending the blazing brand, “+let_me see you put your thought of a finger into my thought of a flame.” The Devotee drew back sharply. “Ah!” exclaimed the Skeptic, I see you shrink from the thought of a pain,” ‘only ‘eT ITTLEBAT is going to start a new magazine.” «Really? What's he going to expose ?” ~ DOMESTICITY. Mrs. Henpeck—'* Don't talk to me, you—you—— Your head ‘s gettin’ as bald as an egg. Mr. Henpeck —On the outside only, madam. If I had sat on a china egg three weeks, as you did, I might begin to suspect baldness on the inside of my head also.”" BLOW ON. OW, winds of March, both night and day Without an intermission, Proceed, then, with your rough-bouse play— You have my full permission. You'd do it, any way. You bought that critter all right."” UNPRINCIPLED ECONOMICS. ] AM fe all the tittle things ‘That militate for cheaper living Yet there is that which always brings Misgiving. I do not generally fuss About the market-price of sausage I pay it. What's the use to cuss This dross age? Why let the coal-cost make me hot? Why madly emulate a hatter And wax wood wroth when it docs not Much matter? Again, if diamonds are high And emeralds in price are doubled. “These aren't’ my jewels.” Why should Be troubled? Suppose, for argument’s sweet sake, That things are not just as desired ; Suppose again: suppose they make Me tired— Well, what I started to express, Ere my digression so extensive, 'd like to see things less Expensive. Was that 1 like things that approach the free (That is, of course, in food and raiment). I'm not against this craze of ea- Sy payment. 7 [put this in upper case (this is to the printer) ; what I have got to face This winter— To face the music. Why, oh, why Are thin partitions for a wall ‘meant? ‘They've bought a pianola by Installment! 1am for all the little things That militate for cheaper living ; Yet there is that which always brings Misgiving ! YRANKUN FP, ADAMS. PRECISION. ses he the leader of the choir?” “No; the refetee.””