Judge — March 3, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

At Tae Panxen Bertprxc, NETRENTH STREET, New Yore. Westar Aovannisinc Orrice—1313 Hartford Building, Chicago, Ul TERMS TO SUPSCRIDERS: UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. Ove copy, one year,oresnumbers= = = ee G00 ix months, oF a sf sis - ‘Xe FORE! sates-aciners—/atermational News Company, Bream's buildin:, Chancery Lane, EC. The contents of JUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. countries in the postal union, $430. year. Loudon : Brentand's, Avenue del" Opera, Paris: Saariach's News Exchange, Mains, Germanys Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and izorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS mast inctose a stamsed and self-addressed ertvelove with all manuscripts, othePtvise return of the Latter when foand unavaitaNe cannot be guaranteed. DPAYVINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Devartment should have the sender's fall name and address Ywritten plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying tobe or descriptive letterpress should tn ébery instance be written upon tts indtoidual picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paver. Inctosure of stamps to the full amount of postage (s also reavireds 40 tnsure safe and promot return of material not accented. UNCLE JOSEPH CANNON’S EYESIGHT DEFECTIVE. UNCLE JOE CANNON’S SIGHT is seriously impaired, according to Mr. Lincoln Steffens, the peripatetic exposer. Mr. Steffens says many a congressman sits all day in the House, burning with a patriotic desire to offer a bill, and yet cannot do so because the Speaker does not see him. He intimates that unless the member sees’? Mr. Cannon beforehand he may as well fold his bright new bill in a neat wad and toss it into the beautiful cuspidore placed at the service of the member by a generous country. We have here two as- pects of the problem of sight—the afferent and the efferent, or sight as it passes from the Speaker to the member, and sight as it passes from the member to the Speaker; and we are confronted with the grave charge that he who sees not Mr. Cannon ‘on the outside, by Mr. Cannon he shall not be seen on the inside of the House. This inability to place a gentleman, or even to be optically aware of his presence, unless the gentleman has previously and outside of office-hours brought himself within the focus of the Speaker’s eye, is what worries Mr. Lincoln Stef- fens, P. E. We hardly know whether to feel grateful or otherwise for Uncle Joe's visual eccentricity. When we consider that some thousands of bills get offered as it is, we are almost glad of his optical limitations. Then we think what other thousands of grand intellectual boons the coun- try loses in the outer darkness of the cold, unseeing Cannon eye, and we cannot keep back our tears. HEY SAY Philadelphia is slow, and yet a minister there got up in his pulpit and said right out loud that another minister was “a vociferous and pessimistic cur, an inflated pugilist, inane, illiterate, mad, an intellec- tual imbecile, and a notable exhibit of obfuscated cerebration.”” We would call that pretty swift language even for Gotham. A GREAT LEGISLATIVE REFORM MEASURE FAILS. THE BILL calling for the whipping-post for wife-beaters has signally failed in the national legislature. It is believed the attempt to load the bill with riders carried it to defeat. For instance, the effort to have the whipping take place on the top of the Washington monument, so that the example should be as public as possible, was a needless obstacle. Another attempt to have the whipping-post erected on the steps of the Capitol weakened the whole project. Mr. Longworth withdrew his support on the ground that, being about to take a wife, his mind had undergone a change ‘on the subject. Then it was affirmed that, though the President favored the measure a year ago, he had not mentioned it in his last message, and that looked bad. Who could tell whether he continued to believe in the measure now? Mr. Bartholdt of Missouri wantonly endangered this needed legislation by lug- ging in extraneous matters. His amend- ment, requiring that men must marry by twenty-five or be pilloried for six months and then burned at the stake, was wholly gratuitous. Why could he not have de- vised a separate bill to cover such a splen- did reform? Mr. Labouchere some time since raised the question of the best way to beat a wife. He cited the fact that, so far from evading the conjugal lash, wives seem to like it. It makes the wielder more dear to them, and the venerable British wit suggested that a symposium ought to decide on the most approved and effective way of applying the punishment. The absence of clear opinions on the subject no doubt militated against the projected legislation. (CONGRESS should pass the ‘‘clean-money”’ bill. Let’s forever end this talk about our cash being tainted. A “CUSS” WORD in St. Louis now costs a man ten dollars. Those about to go to this western town will please take notice. HURRAH for Mayor Edmund Beall of Alton, Illinois! He is out for con- gress and his battle-cry is, * More American babies by Americans for Americans!” . Poor lowa man driven to suicide by the song, “ Everybody Works but Father.””. We sympathize. Our neighbor’s daughter plays this popular, and we know. CHEMISTRY OF FATIGUE; OR, WHY GIRLS LIKE CANDY. ATURE is the wisdom of science in operation, and true science is the knowledge of why and how nature operates. No truer scientist has appeared of late than Dr. F. S. Lee of Columbia University, who comes forward with the explanation of girls’ fondness for candy. The explana- tion shows that the girls are with nature and nature is with the girls. They are sweetly walking hand in hand in this matter, and all the wise talk hitherto against the candy-eating habit amounts to so much calorified atmosphere. The data collected by Professor Lee was obtained from frogs, but this does not invalidate his conclusions in any way. Scientists get all their best knowledge of humans from frogs nowa- days. Without a frog and “ wave-lines” scientists would be practically out of bu: ness. Now, fatigue is manifested in two ways — diminution of lifting-power and slowing down of muscular contraction, A woman, for instance, can lift a grand piano in the morning, whereas by noon she can barely lift a baby-grand piano. That means that she is growing fatigued, or, chemically speaking, burning up the car- bohydraies in her system. Let her eat dextrose and almost instantly she is in the grand-piano-lifting class again. And dexs trose is candy in the rough. Professor Lee says a woman would hardly be worth her keep without plenty of carbohydrates in her tissues—which means that the eighty-cent box of chocolates to your best girl is no mere luxury for an hour’s nibbling, but a barrier against fatigue, a preservative of the blessed carbohydrates, and the foundation of real lifting and staying power in the person you adore. gm Petty state-office in Pennsylvania, recently put on salary basis, has been worth $50,000 heretofore in fees. That’s as good as Presidency of the United States. INCE President Hadley says he doubts if he could get into his own uni- versity on his merits, we guess Yale is ail right. We don’t say that proves it, but it leaves a favorable presumption. IG DICTIONARY PROJECT broke down and stopped at word “dog.’” Wonder if it was the same yellow dog that’s been mixing it with the running-gear of so many other things of late? HIS EXCELLENCY, Wazir Hoomayoon, governor-general of Zenjan, Persia, by the hand of his physician, Mr. J. M. Yonan, has this week renewed his subscription to JUDGE, and sent greetings and best wishes to the editor. Greetings and good wishes come in showers to JUDGE, and are very warming and grateful to his feelings; but we confess to a pleasure even above the ordinary at this remembrance from our distant friend, His Excellency Wazir Hoomayoon.