Judge — January 6, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘THE FIRST HAM-SANDWICH. HE colcr-line of which we read, Dividing white from dark, Was drawn by Admiral Noah himself When he had left the ark. Blond Japheth he picked out to win, But Shem led by a nose ; The sheeny and the nigger then Instanter came to blows. Shem hi nered Ham till he was black, And Japheth both belayed ; And thus, ‘twixt Shem and Japheth squeezed, Ham-sandwich first was made. ARCHITECTURE. SOYVHAT is that splendid, tall building we can see above “That's the Iniquity Trust Company, built with the savings of widows and orphans.” + And what is this little ram- shackle place back of the brew- ery?” “Oh, that's an asylum for Dorset: the widows and orphans.” A MAD STREAK. E doctors say we're all a little mad, turn, tell them they must be crazy ; But yet ‘tis plain, when either sad or glad, Some stretch a passion till their minds are mazy. Take love, for instance. ‘There it often shows, And to extremes may easily be carried ; Mad from one cause, soon, before either knows, ‘Their crazes coincide—and they get married. GETTING DAMAGES. Juoce—"' Well, Jim, 1 see you lost your suit for damages against the railroad."* Farmer Corntosse.—"' Betcher life I didn’t, jedge! them damages every day.” juocr— Why, how Is that?” ‘anuen Cornrosse.—* Fare to town ‘s forty cents each way, ain't {t? Well, by heck! when I go to town now / walk both ways!" I'm collectin® THE UNEXPECTED. Dororny—"' Do you expect to go to heaven when you die, grandma?" “Certainly, child?” Dororny—"' Well, it's always the unexpected that happens—tsn't it, grandma?" MADE “ MO’ SIMPLE.” +6QB_ WOT denomination am dis chile?" asked the old negro preacher, to whom a child had been brought for baptism. “Sah?” said the young father. “Taxed yo’ wot denomi- nation dis chile are 2” “Denomination, sah? I —I—somehow I doan’ know jes’ wot yo'r meanin’ is, sah.” ‘sLawd he'p yo" in yo'r bawn ign'ance!” said the preacher Commiseratingly. “Will yo’ undahstan’ wot I means ef I puts hit mo’ simply an’ axes yo" is de chile a boy- chile er a gal-chile? Am dat widin yo'r apperhension 2” Limited as the“ apperhension ” of the parents was, they under- stood enough for the father to say, +* De chile am ob de boy sect, sah,” and he was baptized accordingly. AS THE TWIG Is BENT. PFT asa lad in the old swimming-hole He'd plunge when "twas icy and cold as the pole ; But though his teeth chattered he'd say, sure as fate, “Come on in, fellers! Gee! but it’s great!" He's now newly married—his wife is a dear ; He has given up smoking and poker and beer. To his bachelor friends he says, early and late, “ Get married, my boy! Gee! but it's great!"” A MATTER OF LOCALITY. 46 YOU don’t mean to say he spanked the child in a public place ?” “ He spanked him in the usual place, but right out there before everybody.” AT THE SIGN OF THE HORSESHOE. THEY were waiting in their trap while the smith tightened a shoe on the horse. ‘When is a blacksmith not a blacksmith?" the man inquired with a gleam of intelligence brightening his face. “Lhate conundrums,” the girl replied. «+ What's the answer?" ‘When he’s a horse, sure,” said the man; and the girl's face gleamed also. The actor—*'1 live from hand to mouth,"” The tramp—* Dat's nuthin’; I jest live from time ter time.”