Judge, 1906-01-06 · page 7 of 14
Judge — January 6, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This *Judge* magazine page contains three separate satirical pieces: **"How to Be a Successful Artist"** (top cartoons): An illustrator tells an editor his pen-work isn't "artistic," so he's switching to raising chickens. The joke: if editors reject your art, abandon it entirely for manual labor—dark satire on the struggling artist's plight. **"The State of New York"** (main article): A lengthy humor piece mocking place names by creating puns. Towns like "Pleasureville," "Gaines," "Burden," and "Rye" are treated literally—suggesting that living in "Pleasureville" offers no more pleasure than elsewhere. The final punchline: once someone learns where to get a good highball (whiskey) in New York, they stop caring about the state's other features. This reflects Prohibition-era drinking culture and mocks both tourist guides and drinkers' priorities. **Smaller jokes below**: Various brief satirical quips about marriage, accidents, and classical philosophy, typical of *Judge*'s miscellaneous humor format. The page targets early-20th-century American sensibilities: struggling artists, geographic pretension, and alcohol consumption.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
9° LON . Yu HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL ARTIST. “Going into the chicken business?” Intustrator — Editor says my pen- work isn’t artistic, so I've got a scheme." . THE STATE OF NEW YORK. EW YORK is a large and interesting state. It is the empire state, but the emperor seems to have received such a hard blow in , November that he has gone out of commission. But the state is inter- esting outside of politico-governmental matters. Let us consider some of its municipalities, for example, not for ownership, but for other purposes. ' ~ - \ For theybenefit of the old maids—God bless ‘em !—we may begin by saying there are no more unmarried men in Batchellerville than in any other town of its size in the state; nor are there any fewer buds in Ploomville. There are as many losses in Gaines as elsewhere, and no.frore pain in Akin than ythefe is in Pleasureville. Bourne ig not the one from which no traveler returns, thank heaven! nor is Dodge Any safer place for a man when his wife throws a flatiron at him than any one of the forty towns in other parts of the state. One doesn’t find more to drink in Toddsville than elsewhere ; nor is the horn he gets at Gabriels any more stim- ulating than one he can get at any gin-mill, anywhere. All the lambs in Wall Street don’t come from Jayville; nor is one pulled out of the hole any eas- ier at Derrick than elsewhere. There is no volcano near Lava, and as much brimstone at Di- vine Corners as at towns that sound different. Galeville is not a particularly breezy vil- lage, nor are there any more flowers in Boquet than in Blos- som, Truck-raisers do as well in Garden City as they do in Good Ground, unless it hap- pens to be political truck. What? One is pretty well out of the woods at Forest; and to reach Halfway one must go all the way. A man can’t get a shave in Barbourville any cheaper than elsewhere, and there are no more pumps in Wells than in the adjoining town. It isn’t always evening at Vesper, and there is night at Day half the time. One may find sorrow in Bliss and Joy, just as he may find bliss and joy in Suffern; and Best ’ Cremnrrz Warte— Trained. A FRIENDLY SUGGESTION. I'd do anything in the world for art." J. Caustic—'* Well, why don’t you quit painting? Art-eoitor—" Now you've struck It—free handling, great pen-work!" isn't superlative by a whole lot. Tabasco isn’t any more hot stuff than Arctic is cold stuff. One's cross is no heavier at Burden than else- where; nor is life any sweeter at Sugartown, There are just as hon- est people at Steele as there are at Truthville, and just as stupid ones at Smartville, One can get as good a highball at Rye as he can at Scotchtown, or at Springwater, for that matter. There are other interesting things in the state, but when the aver- age reader is told where he can get a good highball he is willing to let the rest go. WILLIAM J. LAMPTON. UNFAIR. She—« Do you consider it unlucky to marry on Frid He—« It's unfair to charge poor old Friday with a sure thing like that. WIFIE'S AIM. se] MET with an unexpected accident yesterday. “What was it?” “Wife threw a brush my head.” “Tdon’t call that an ac- cident.” “Ido. She hit me!" so. T. PETER wa'n't no nigger— Dat sho’ Or else he'd got dat rooster De bery fust crow. am so— ‘THE LAST WORDS OF SOCRATES. SOCRATES had just finished his hemlock coc! + How do you f asked his jailer. “1 feel as if my interior had a Georgia-pine finish,” re- plied the philosopher, and im- 1 now 2" mediately expired. LIMITED CLAIRVOYANCE. Miss Passey—"A fortune- teller has told me where I shall find my future husband.” Mrs. Situplate—« Goot- ness! give me her address at once. Perhaps she could tell me where my present one is.” THE COLLEGE. THE college isa coy maid— She has a habit quaint Of making eyes at millionaires And winking at the taint. comicbooks.com