Judge — December 9, 1905 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A MORE EXHILARATING ODOR. Weary—"sl say, Bill, ain't ita pity dem auto fellers don't use alcoho! in deir machines instead uv gasoline? go by a feller It wud be ez good ez a drink.” SENATOR DOLLIVER ON FAME. [THE course of an evening’s conversation, not long ago, Senator Jonathan P. Dolliver of lowa was asked to tell his friends just when in the course of his long and successful public life he had experienced that * proudest moment of his life" to which orators are wont to refer. ‘The Iowa statesman readily responded, * It was not long after my sec- ond election to congress.”” Asked to give the reason for his extreme seif-complacency at that particular time, the senator said, «In the first place, an enthusiastic friend of mine up in Calhoun County named a lake after me; then the post-office department, in response to petition, named a post-office after me; and finally a col- ored woman of my town—a woman of excellent judgment—named a aby after me.” If dey did, when two or t'ree uv dem BOUNDLESS, FA® and away stretched the waving grasses and the low hills. On and on wandered the little boy. He did not know where he was, and yet he did not weep. He was a very brave little lad and a mere child withal, so that, although he had lost his bearings, he was not alarmed. For did he not have his nice new rubber ball with him? And would it not be fine to bounce it about over the hard, smooth ground ? Selecting a spot bare of grass, he threw the ball down with all his might. But it lay lifeless just where it had alighted. Again the puzzled lad threw it down, but the resilient gutta- percha spheroid lay dead and inert exactly as it had fallen. Then, as the fearful truth burst upon the lad, he Anticipating the next inquiry, with that irresist- ible serio-comic look which warns his friends that some- thing 's coming, he con- tinued, + Boys, let me give you atip. The fame which the vainglorious of this world seek to eternize is sadly lacking in staying-powers. Take my case for example. Kirst thing I knew the baby died; next, along came the free rural delivery and closed that post-office ; and, to cap the climax, we had two seasons of drought, and at the end of the second season there wasn't enough water in Lake Dolliver to Leep one lone bull - frog going!” — joxsow sncnam. WY 2 sirts act 20 con- ‘Swing and hang to street- tar straps, ‘When we'd simply be delighted Af they’dalt—vponourlaps? —_ivery tolme Ol luk at ye. A FOREIGNER. “Ot don’t want ter hurt yer falin’s, Dutchy, but, upon me sowl! Ol can’t help laffin’ ‘Youse furriners are sich quare-lukin’ gazaboes!"" broke forth into wails of despair. He was on the boundless prairie! HE KNEW. First little boy. what is intuition?” Second little boy— “Something you waste money with.” First little boy—“Aw, ‘tain't, neither! How ju make that out ?” Second little boy— “Why, when my big broth- er got fired from college for breakin’ a feller’s leg in football my paw said, + An’ jist to think how much money I've wasted on him in tuition 1" " «Say, Mr. Jones—“If 1 should die, pet, would you follow me to the grave ?” Mrs. Jones—“1 might, dear; but I wouldn't care to follow you further.” comicbooks.com i