Judge, 1905-12-09 · page 5 of 17
Judge — December 9, 1905 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The top illustration titled "How His Eyes Were Opened" depicts a social commentary on marriage and infidelity. The caption dialogue suggests a man discovered that his seemingly virtuous acquaintances were unfaithful—a common theme in early 20th-century humor. The page contains several short satirical pieces: - **"A Pair"** mocks smokers, particularly those who smoke cheap cigarettes ("T.D.s") - **"No Children"** jokes about working-class attitudes toward large families - **"Legal Advice"** satirizes property disputes and overly litigious neighbors - **"An Oil Finish"** appears to reference questionable business practices **"The Matter of an Allowance"** discusses marital finances—a wife asking her husband for weekly spending money, reflecting early 20th-century gender dynamics regarding women's financial independence. The humor targets class pretensions, consumer behavior, and marital relations typical of Judge's satirical approach.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HOW HIS EYES WERE OPENED. Ernet—"' He used to think that every good-looking girl of his acquaintance was stuck on him."* Penetope—" What changed his mind?” Eritet— One of them married him." A PAIR. HE man who smokes an old T. D., It's bowl as black as jet, With scorn looks on the dapper youth Who smokes a The youth who likes his dainty puff, Of high or low degree, Looks with disdain upon the man Who smokes an old T. D, Jon cone, NO CHILDREN. Janitor—" We don't allow children, mum.” Lady—* Why, of such is the king- dom of heaven.” Janitor—" Yes'm. ‘Yer see, even de Bible admits dey wuzn't intended fer flats." LEGAL ADVICE. se]Ts this way,” explained the client. ‘The fence runs between Brown's place and mine. He claims that I encroach on his land, and I insist that he is trespassing on mine. Now, what would you do if you were in my place ?" “If T were in your place,” replied the lawyer, “I'd go over and give Brown a cigar, take a drink with him, and settle the controversy in ten minutes. But as things stand, I advise you to sue him by all means. Let no arrogant, domineering, insolent pirate like Brown trample on your sacred rights. Assert your manhood: and courage. I need the money.” AN OIL FINISH. LI BABA was just going out to scald the forty thieves who were ensconced in the earthenware grain vessels. + What are you about to do?” asked a policeman. ‘<A good Geed,” replied Ali Baba. +I intend to pour oil on a lot of family jars.” THE MATTER OF AN ALLOWANCE. 4¢\MY DEAR,” whispered the young man, ‘as we are so soon to be married, we should take a practical view of life and profit by the mistakes of others. For instance, there is the subject of a regular “allowance every week for spending-money, you know.” “Oh, I've thought of that,” she replied sweetly. “Have you ?” “Yes, indeed—hundreds and hundreds of times; and lately I haven't thought of much else.” “EhI" “Yes. Your income is $2,000, isn’t it?” “Yes; and I want it to go as far as possible toward your happiness.”” “Of course. Well, I've talked it over with mamma, and she thinks an allowance of one dollar a week will be plenty.” “+ Indeed 2” “Oh, yes. You can walk to the office, you know, and carry your lunch, you know, and so you can use the whole dollar for cigars and neckties and things.”* rem POOR Mitte Jones is s0 dread. fully thin, People stare where’er she goes. And they say, with a perfectly fiendish grin, That she wears garden-hose. REGRETS. Tae ALARM-cLock—" What little thanks we get for duty done! ‘The serv- ‘ant threatened to throw me out of the window for waking her up this morning at six o’clock.”” comicbooks.com