Judge — December 9, 1905 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SONG OF THE SCHOOLBOY’S LAMENT. airwel prowd made. thee hart that beet fore u ‘ann u aloan uve broaken rite in too ‘Ann trampuld inn thee dusst. inn afftur yeers ule think uy me ann hott ann skalden teers wil wett ure cheaks ann inn ure greef ulé cri o ware is hee butt i wil not repli. thenn u wil think uv how i took u too thee shoze ann walkd cleer hoam frum churtch with u ann bott u gumm ann seen u every day wenn ure att hoam ann rote wenn ure away. u have foargott thee time i saivd ure katt frum drounden butt i wil nott speke uy thatt. Wott doo i kair fore katts. twuz aw! fore u i waided inn ann riskt mi life too doo ahearos deed. Ann wenn thee teecher thott ure wissperen i sedd itts mee ann got thee licken wich u shood uy badd asin wenn skools owt i sedd ide taik itt awl agen fore ure swete saik ann u sedd u wood go hoam onn mi sledd becaws u luvd mee so. I mite uy knone itt wood turn owt this way. buit o too think thatt u wood go ann say thatt i gott worts ann u kood hardly bare mi preasuns. Hennry beamus sedd ure fair butt fals. Ann ide uv fott him iff heez nott too bigg fore mee wenn he sedd thatt. i thott he didd u rong. butt now ino hee noo how fals u were wile i thott u were troo. i luvd u wuns butt now mi luv is awl turnd sowr inn mee like vinny ‘THE WISE MANUFACTURER. se] HAVE here a model,” said the inventor to the manufacturer, ++ of an appliance that is sure to have a large sale if it is put on the market.” «+ Indeed ?” said the manufacturer, ‘+ That is most interesting. What is your invention?” “This is a combination lawn-mower and snow-shovel. By simply twisting this knob to the left the grass-cutting mechanism is turned into a set of paddles that liter- ally sweep the snow to both sides of the path. You see, by combining both imple- ments in one, together with perfect ease of operation and great saving of space and strength, and" “I'm sorry,” interrupted the manufacturer; «but it will never go. Don't you see, by the end of the summer the average man is so tired of and angry with his lawn-mower that he hails the snow-shovel with joy ; and by the end of the winter he feels just as bitter toward the snow-shovel and is once more delighted to push the lawn-mower, But if you combine the two thea he will simply have the memory of one ever before him while he is operat- ing the other.” Realizing the truth of the state- ment, the inventor took up his model and went out, say- ing that perhaps he could twist the thing around and convert it into a mop-holder and dress-fitter for wo- men, as they would buy anything. SWORE TRULY. She— You've been out every night since I mar- ried you, and you swore you would be as true as the stars above,” He—' Well, ain't the stars above out every night, too?” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MISS LULU GLASER AS ‘MISS DOLLY DOLLARS." TWO OF A KIND. A RECKLESS young chauffeur of Kiel Was speeding his automobiel, When a venturesome calf Tried to use half Of the road. Now he is viel. A handsome young maiden of Lisle Resolved to be dressed up in stisle ; So she purchased lisle hose, Lisle shoes and lisle close, Then wondered what made the men smisle. NIP AND TUCK. ¢sTROTH, an’ Jim Flanni- gan an’ his woife do hov a har-rd toime t’ gicalong,” said Mrs. Hogan to her visitor. «Wan or th’ oth- er is allus in th’ hospital."” “Och, now, poor sowls !"" com- mented Mrs. Cro- gan. Then she asked, ‘An’ phich wan is there th’ most, Dalia?” Th’ wan thot misses grabbin' th’ rollin’-pin th’ oft- enest, darlint.”” HE DOES, Mrs. Hoyle— “I attempted to ask my husband last night for a new hat, but he shut me off as soon as I opened my mouth.” INE™ totich of NOT A GOOD SUBJECT FOR AN OPERATION. Es Mrs. Doyle— avarice makes Fist pursician—“' Did you advise an operation ?"” “Objects to mil- Secon ruvsician— | was about to do 80, when | happened to see a letter which was on the patient's desk." tinery openings the whole world f peysican—" What did the letter say?" skin. ‘S.\yep_ruysician—"' it was from his bank, telling him that his account was overdrawn.” does he ?” comicbooks.com