Judge, 1905-12-02 · page 5 of 16
Judge — December 2, 1905 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge humor: **"Competition"** (top cartoon): Two men discuss a woman who married a foreign nobleman. One mentions "Yankee beggars" marrying foreign titles—a jab at wealthy American heiresses marrying impoverished European aristocrats for status, a common practice of that era. **"Old Nutmeg's Savings"** and **"The Reason"**: Brief humorous dialogues about practical matters and marriage. **"Sweet Alice Rose Velt"**: A poem about someone named Alice Rose Velt, possibly alluding to Alice Roosevelt (Theodore Roosevelt's daughter), who was prominent in society news. **"Needed Fixing"** (bottom cartoon): A domestic scene where a child has made a mess while playing "automobiles," satirizing the novelty of automobiles in society. The overall content reflects upper-class social concerns and the emerging automobile age.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
COMPETITION. Gorrox—‘*| can't afford to help you any more. Beccar— “OL’ NUTMEG’S” SAYINGS. NO ONE disputes the right uv way uv a polecat. Law is a mighty good thing ez long ez yew keep aout uv it. Holdin’ daown a cracker-bar'l is a poor way tew raise a mor'gige. People who are aout walkin’ fur their health seldom ubject tew takin’ a ride. A good many people are brave the night afore abaout git'n’ up the next mornin’, It’s all right tew seize a golden oppertunity, but don’t let go uv ev'rything else fust. Keep yewr eyes open when yew are tradin’ hosses; also see thet the hoss’s eyes are open. It is easy enough tew tell which is the right side uv a caow by git'n’ on the wrong side. It ain’t so bad tew borry frum Peter tew pay Paul, pervidin’ yew don't spend it afore Paul gits it. Let the annermuls alone fur common sense. The cat knows enough tew go in when it rains an’ the hop’-tud knows enough tew go aout. ‘THE REASON. Dyer—* How is it you never married, Hig- bee?” Higbee—« 1 went to a baby-show once.” My daughter has just married a foreign nobleman.” Gee! dem foreign beggars is a-cuttin’ inter us Yankee beggars terribly—dat's wot!” A FLOWER-KNOT. WHEN papa ties his Tots pink tow He's thinking of his work ; He gives it just a little twist— It unties with slight jerk. And when he smiles and says to her “It’s like a blossom, Tot,”” She answers him, with merry laugh, “© Yes; a forget-me-knot.” CHARLES XK. SOUETT. NOT WOMAN'S WORK. Tilly—""1 wonder why wo- men don’t make good bill-col- lectors 2" Billy—""Oh, on account of the old saying, I suppose.” Tilly—« What old saying 2” Billy— & woman's work is never dun.” A SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER. 66QO, SIR,” observed Mr. Ges- sit, the proprietor of the Sprucetown general store, by way of allusion to a young man who had just made a small purchase at the Gessit emporium; «ye can’t tell me thet thet young fel- ler what's stayin’ ter th’ hotel ain't up ter some crooked work of some sort. I've ben watchin’ him clus, an’ it don’t stand ter my reasonin’ thet he kin be follerin’ any legitimate business. Why," confidentially hitching his chair a trifle closer to that of his companion, + ye may hev trouble in believin’ it, but those envellups he jest bought ‘ll make th’ third bunch he’s used up within a week.” N\ NED BARNEY, SWEET ALICd, ROSE VELT. H, DON'T you remember sweet Alice, Rose Velt— Sweet Alice, who girdled the earth And brought from the Orient rare gifts galore, Whose duty exceeded their worth? In the White House, where dwells the sweet Alice, Rose Velt, Are those gifts which she dared not despise, While poor Teddy lies sleeplessly scheming each night ‘That duty to pay ere he dies. NEEDED FIXING. johnnie, did | hear you swearing at your little sister just now “yes, grandma; but we were only playing ‘automobile '—she's the automobile.” comicbooks.com