Judge — December 2, 1905 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE GROCERYMAN’S BURDEN. THERE is a rich lady who trades with me, And she raises a mighty fuss About anything ; but I have to keep still Because she is such an old cus- tomer of mine. Unless she approves of whatever I do, She talks to me scandalous And jumps on me rough ; but I can’t say a word Because she is such an old cus- tomer of mine. Sometimes, when she kicks very hard and acts Her meanest to make a bad muss I rise in my wrath ; but I sit down again Because she is such an old cus- tomer of mine. See? WJ. LAMPTON. HER FEARS. +4 OF COURSE,” sail the lady to the drug- gist, ‘it may be perfectly harmless, just as you say; but then you know there has been so much exposure of patent medicines and such goods that I" «« My dear madam,” interrupted the drug- gist, «1 beg to assure you in the strongest terms that you need not apprehend any *. “Tknow; but I read in one magazine where lots of people had acquired the drink and drug habits through using such remedies, and "—— «Impossible in this case. see for yourself that “—— “Will you give me your word of honor that it contains no alcohol ?” **T would swear it on a stack of bibles," answered the druggist. Then I'll take it.” And the druggist wrapped up the porous-plaster for her. The star tha Why, you can my Grows to ‘THE SCALE OF PRICES. Fresh traveling-man— How much for your regular dinner, honey ?” Pretty waiter-girl— Fifty cents without honey, seventy-five with.” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. HELENA FREDERICK, FORMERLY PRIMA DONNA IN “THE PRINCE OF PILSEN," AND AT PRESENT PILLING AM ENGAGEMENT ON THE KEITH CIRCUIT. You've done the prima donna So often and so well That now we're glad to see you In vaudeville for a spell. omewhat lower shines ever dearer Because it's not so deuced high, But full one-fifty nearer. EUGENE FIELD AND THE HATTER. AT THE time Eugene Field lived. in St. Louis Leonora & Hart was a well-known firm that dealt in hats. Field was a regular customer, but he never paid a cent. Finally Mr. Leonora told his partner never to let the poet have another hat unless he paid cash for it. One day Field blew into the store for an- other piece of headgear. Mr. Hart told him of the new ruling, but that’never daunted Field, He talked so effectively that he walked out of the store wearing a new lid, promising faithfully to pay for it. After a reasonable length of time had elapsed and no money was in sight, Mr. Hart wrote the poet an earnest letter, begging him to pay the bill, to spare him criticism from his partner. « Remember,” he wrote, * for this—trusted you implicitly. Field read the letter, indorsed these two lines on the back, and returned it to the firm: trusted you “Trust on, fond Hart, trust on !"* “Leonora, fare thee well!” WILLIS LEONARD CLANAMAN. SHOWING HIM THE DOOR. ER eyes flashing, she pointed to the door. He gave her one second’s look, bowed quietly, and passed out. She flew after him. “What in heaven's name are you doing 2” she cried. + You told me to go,” he said. I only showed you the door.” Isn’t that the same thing ?” “wished to ask you if you #1 did nothing of the sort. “+ Are you mad ?” he exclaimed. “Not at all,"" she replied sweetly. thought it required a fresh coat of paint. HOW DID HE FIND OUT? First Chicagoan (on the streets of his home town at midnight)— «My! but it's hard for a fellow to be good in this town. Second Chicagoan—" Is it? Who's been trying it A POINTED QUESTION. “ Are you fond of ridinj “Very, Mr. Chumpleig! Miss Gotham ?”* Why don’t you learn?” comicbooks.com