Judge — October 14, 1905 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A QUANDARY. SEE the man. The man is puzzled. He has fifty dollars. That is not the puzzle, however, With that fifty can buy an evening suit or he can pay the ad- mission-fee to the Ipps- ley Club. But it will do him no good to join the club if he does not have the evening suit; nor will it be worth while to have the suit if he does not belong to the club. Shall we stay here and see how he solves the problem ? No, child; for here comes his wife with the latest statistics from her dressmaker. he ++] BEG your pardon,” said the man at the lunch-counter; «but 1 think that egg you just opened is decayed.” “Maybe you're JUDGE'S FAVORITES. LILLIAN RUSSELL AT PROCTOR'S TWENTY-THIRD- STREET THEATRE Most beautiful target that Cupid e’er wooed With his heart-plercing arrows and bow, For the eye, for the ear. for the soul thou art food— ‘This is once that you could not say no. answered the right other, putting aside the questionable egg; “1 hadn't noticed it. You see, I'm the subw: When the cohorts of vaudeville knelt at thy feet And besought thee their thousands to take. We are glad that you deigned their advances to meet, In a season a fortune to make, motorman in HE RANG FOR WHAT HE WANTED. HE colonel from Kentucky had arrived in the metrop- . registered at one of the flare hotels, and been When quiet had settled nd the bell-boys, clerks and cus had passed, an alarm of oli assigned to room 457. down upon the place, porters thought the ci fire came down from the colonel’s room and the bell clanged with a menace that set everybody going again. There was a rush for room 457 and a great banging on the door. The colonel calmly opened it. A_ porter with a hose in his hand, two, bell-boys with fire-buckets, and three chambermaids with bowls and pitchers of water, met him. Where's the fire?” came the chorus, with the clerk at the rear directing the attack. “What fire?” inquired the colonel, calm as a summer morning. Didn’t you ring the fire-alarm 2” “I did,” he replied with dignity becoming his rank. “Well, where’s the fire ?” “There ain't any that I know of,” said the colonel ; and the clerk forged to the front. “What did you ring the alarm for, then?” he asked angril “Well, sir,” explained the colonel with a Chesterfieldian bow, «1 saw on your bell-card, here by the door, rings tor ice-water and hot water and cold water and warm water and well water and cistern water, and a few others, but none for fire-water. Don't you suppose a man wants a little whiskey with his water? We do You didn’t have any bell for Understand ? Something I need it to down in our state it, so I-just rang the fire-alarm. Now, send me up about a quart. good and old. And send it quick. squinch my dry.” The fire-alarm was responded to according to the colonel’s own ideas. First poctor— Secon vocror—' Y MOTHER—clearly I ree call Her thin, fine lips, her thoughtful eyes, Her tailored figure, trim and tall, Her manner scholarly and One day she passed me in the hall And cried aloud in sharp surprise. By day my mother’s clubs con- sume Her every ounce of energy At night, within her study: room, She has no time, alas! fur me. My father, stout and turning gray, How well I recollect him, too, As if it were but yesterday Tsaw him last! My de-do” He answered, to my keen dis- may, ‘Well, young felle are you?" how. My father works from dawn to dark ; At night in clubs he takes his joy. And when I meet him in the park He does not know his little boy ! I wish some person kind and sweet Would found a club for families Where children lorn and lone could meet Their parents, climb upon their knees, And romp and play about their feet, Reviving tender memories ; Where folks would know their little boys And not forget to smile and speak ; Where children would be swamped with toys And held and loved, say, once a week. LM. RONEN. A HANDICAP. **]NO. SIR.” said the man on the veranda of the golf-club house ; “«Lcan't drink over eight high-balls without becoming intoxi- cated. Now, that is my excuse for going to sleep at the eighth hole yesterday afternoon.” “+ But,” said the listener, «+1 should think you would stop drink ing after the eighth.” +L would; but the trouble is that, after I've had five, | can't CLEARLY NECESSARY. Is an operation necessary in this case Well, rather, Just lock at this suit of clothes—I've worn it three years. comicbooks.com