Judge, 1905-10-14 · page 5 of 20
Judge — October 14, 1905 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated satirical pieces typical of early-20th-century humor magazines: **"Its Peculiarity"** (top cartoon): A simple visual gag mocking cheap umbrellas—the humor lies in the man's matter-of-fact admission that he bought his shabby umbrella through the ordinary means of purchasing it, treating the obvious as mysterious. **"Hotels"** (left column poem): A lengthy, sarcastic tribute to hotels by W.J. Lampton. It sardonically praises hotels as "blessings" while acknowledging guests complain constantly about costs (tips, extras, service charges). The joke mocks both hotels' nickel-and-diming practices and guests' entitled expectations. **"For the Conscience Fund"** (right column): A satirical anecdote about a man confessing he unknowingly defrauded a hotel owner a month earlier, returning the money from guilt. The landlord pockets it without hesitation—the satire mocks both the man's belated conscience and the hotel owner's shameless acceptance of what amounts to found money. **"The Job He Wanted"** (bottom): A brief joke where a young man seeks employment as "special adviser to a lady's golf-club"—apparently implying a social/romantic position rather than serious work.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
— (ml ra 4 i itl IN | ITS PECULIARITY. “ How did you ever come into possession of such a cheap-looking umbrella as that?" Why, | got this umbrella in a very peculiar way—I bought it."” HOTELS, EE.WHIZZ What a Llessing a good hotel is! Anda bad one? Weil, It is—no matter. It is that, Flat, And we ain't talking through our hat, Either. But the good ones stand, All over the land, As harbingers of comfort, ‘As homes to wanderers Within whose lonely busoms The fireside spirit stirs. The tips may flourish like the green bay-tree, And extras come in like the waves of the sea But if they've got the tin ‘The welcome of an inn Greets them in all neighborhoods. And what do they care, If they do pay fare, So long as they get the goods? Perhaps They might do without such snaps As the handsome clerk at the counter, With a diamond in his front And his clothes from a fancy tailor’s, And his high and mighty stunt, And the porters pinching their quarters, And the bell-boys, with a zest, Grabbing their grips and their nickels, And the waiters swiping the rest— But say, They have to pay For a good thing, don’t they ? Do they think They can get food and drink And a bed Without paying a red Of reward To anybody but the landlord? Well, Not at a first-class hotel. And yet They mustn't forget That a good hotel is a blessing — One of the great ones of earth ; For guests may cuss And raise a fuss If they don’t get their money's worth, Which they have no right to do Ata low-priced baraboo, See? See? And what is the goorl of living? Wha life to cheer Ifa man can't say What he wants to say And kick like a brindled steer? Gee-whizz! What a blessing a good hotel is, Ain't it? Ww. J. Lasrton. FOR THE CONSCIENCE FUND. 64GIR," said the earnest man, approaching the desk of the landlord of the summer hotel, ‘I have a confession to make, and also a request.” “Never mind the confession,” replied the landlord. «* What is the request 2” “Here are forty dollars and fifteen cents. I wish you would take the money and keep it. I feel that some way it is yours.” “T don’t understand you,” remarked the landlord, pocketing the money. “Tstopped at your house a month last summer, and went away with that much money in my purse, which I had concealed in my inside vest-pocket. When I paid my bill I took the money for that purpose from my trousers pockets, and thus gave you the impression that you were getting all Thad. Since then this deceit has weighed upon my mind to such an extent that I cannot sleep nights, and so "—— But the landlord had kindly laid his hand on the other’s shoulder and sped his departure with a first-of-the-season smile. STIRRING INCIDENTS. Alice— Don't you think a cook- book is fascinating reading 2” Clara—“Yes, indeed. It contains so many stir- ring incidents.” THE JOB HE WANTED. Sox—"' Has your young brother made up his mind what he wants to do?"* Fox—"* Not yet; but | think he would like the position of special adviser to a lady's golf-club."* comicbooks.com