Judge — September 16, 1905 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE BRAVE ARE TENDER. Cannipat xino—''I do hope the next missionary they send here will be a very brave man. Prime atimister—" Why so, your majesty ?"" Kinc—"* Why, I have often heard it said that ‘ the bravest are the tenderest.’ A DEBAUCH. OED HANNAH DAYNE was of the New England type of thrifti- ness that could give the Mary E. Wilkins old woman pointers when it comes to putting money in the savings-bank on an income of a dollar a month, Old Hannah's income had never been much more than this until she was sixty-five years old, when she fell heir to seven- ty-five thousand dollars in spot cash and gilt-edge securities. “+ An’ now I'm goin’ to be downright extravagant for.once in my life," said Hannah. + All my born days I've wanted all the pep'mint drops I could eat, an’ [ain't ever had ‘em, Now I'm goin’ to buy hull paound an’ eat ‘em all down at once. Exceptin’ for that I ain't goin’ to waste no money on foolishness.”” PROBABLY NOT. Mrs. Hoyle—1s your husband an optimist?” Mrs. Doyle— 1 really. don't know what his politics are.” THE CZAR HAVING A GOOD TIME. (From our ewn correspondent.) ST. PETERSBURG, September 1—In view of the prolonged and nerve-racking peace negotiations it may be supposed that the czar has not been enjoying himself this summer. In order to ascertain the facts, I called to see his majesty to-day and was agreeably surprised to find that he has survived the hot spell and isin per‘ect trim, He played tennis, rode and was in the best of spirits throughout the time of the peace conference. This little incident shows his enthusiasm for tennis. The court dentist came one morning to examine the teeth of the em- press and thrice during the operation the czar stuck his head in the door and called out, “Say, Katy, how long before you're coming out to play?” While the game was in progress steel palisades were raised round the tennis-court and twelve regiments of cossacks deployed outside. After the game the czar played “1 spy” on the lawn with the children. It was a very pretty domestic TEDDY'LL DO IT FOR YOU. [F y20 want to do a miracle ‘And don't just know the way, Put it up to Mr. Teddy Who lives over at Oyster Bay, And he'll do it for you. If it’s how to stop a battle ‘That has cost a billion yen And threatened to wipe out about A hundred million men— If kings and kaisers, czars and thrones Have done their little best, And still the awful war drag on While nations find no rest— Just go and ask our Teddy Who lives over at Oyster Bay, And he will wind the whole thing up In just about a day. If you want to plunge beneath the sea Or sail up in the air, Pat it up to Mr. Teddy And take no further care, He'll do it for you. If it’s how to stop a coal strike Or put grafters in the pen, Or get a bunch of senators * Lined up like little men— If the women run to nonsense And the tribe of babes diminish / ‘Until you look ahead and see i The race's early finish— Just go and speak to Teddy, who Lives over at Oyster Bay, And he will straighten out the mix, ‘And do it right away. For I tell you Mr. Teddy, who Lives over at Oyster Bay, He pitches in and does things Because he’s built that way. Wy Hd S V} iY i 5 SURE THING. Hussan—“'I have a horror of being buried alive, Jane!"" Wire—"" Don't worry: before you've been dead an hour I'll buy a forty- dollar hat, and if you are alive you'll kick." scene as the children ran_helter- skelter from papa and hid under the cannon which guard the “little father” from attack by evil-minded persons. Every few moments as the play went on, a gold-braided messenger rushed in with a dis- patch from Witte at Portsmouth. The czar glanced hastily at the missives as they came, then threw them aside, exclaiming, “+ Nary a kopek " as he dashed off toward the bomb-cellar, where one of the children was in hiding. When the game was done, lunch was sct out and the royal poison- detector sampled it, after which all fell to and ate with a relish that would do credit to a picnic party to “fresh airs.” The czar is as brown as a berry from his out: door exercise, and to look at his merry countenance one would never guess that he had borne the burden of a great war. IT WAS BUSY. ‘+GEE the meter, please?” brusquely asked the repre- sentative of the gas company. “Well,” replied the little woman, with a satirical twinkle in her eye, ‘it's pretty busy, but I suppose you can see it for a moment," comicbooks.com