Judge — September 16, 1905 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE WAY TO WIN, A JOKE. F YOUR ambition be for fame of gold in shining store, Mrs, Scribbler Just do a little better tian the man who lives next dor. (Severely) —*sJohn, do Don't eavy his hard-won success, you ever spring But wish him health and happiness— mother-in-law jokes?” And if he rise at five o'clock be sure your wut at four, Mr. Seribbler— And work a little later than the man who lives next door. yes Jane: 1 tell Should he possess a brilliant and an all-embracing smile, everybody your moth- Don't play the glom:; ic in an undertaker’s style. er is a perfect angel.” ‘The “knocker only ++kicks" himself, The public loves the, merry elf— FARSIGHTED. Then copy his good qualities, the traits that all adore, Mr. Common- And laugh a little louder than the man who lives next door, sfock—"1 tell you what, Newlyrich is a ‘Tis so in trade or politics, the lesson 's mighty tough. faraighted hip.” ‘That fellow draws the dividends who's made uf sandy stuff. Don’t howl about your neighbor’s “luck,” Mr, Struckoyle Pitch in yourself and prove your pluck. —tIs, eh?" Your audience will call you back" if you can hold the floor Mr, Common- With a brighter, stronger story than the man who lives nextduor. stock —“ Simply won- ERNEST NEAL LYON, derful. Why, he can humor 40 fr. order most anything : onthe menu and guess been to see Bludgerly’s latest painting, and it's a perfect qarned near what it 3: daub. And yet you said it bordered on the sublime. Sil tern ent to be." _ «That's the way it struck me, old man. It is inclosed in one of JUDGE SIEAVORITES: the most magnificent frames I ever saw.” TOO CHEAP. NE TT coe Lenditt—Well, ‘The carth has an 7 equator VALUE OF A REPUTATION. I guess you'll never Reaching all the way around, Judge (indignantly)—* And you declare this man to be innocent, pay me that five dol- Which makes a girth of climate even after hearing his own confession to the crime?” ars you borrowed, but Where laughing flowers abound. Foreman of jury— Wal-al ye see, yer honer, he allus wuz sech ait has been a good ‘ob rear oquaiottal ites ¢ liar that we're afeard to trust him now.”” * A lesson to me.” You've travelled round the earth Spenditt (hope- And girdled this old planet fully)—"Say, old With a teeming zone of mirth. chap, ain’t that lesson worth more than five dollars? Couldn't you make it ten?” COMPENSATION. BLUSHING maiden of the backwoods had confided to her ** maw” that a certain wooer of the name of Hank had «+ popped" to her and that she had agreed to ‘hitch up” with him, whereupon her «maw had knocked the ashes from her pipe against the chimney- jamb and had said, «+ Hank hain’t no great to look at, Jinny, but when a man is the rifle-shot he is, an’ when he owns two o° the best bull-pups in this county, an’ kin lick any man of his size with one hand tied behind him, an’ kin jump higher an’ run faster nor any other chap in these parts— when he’s got an’ kin do all that, a gal might look further an’ do wuss than to splice up with him. I'm right glad you ain't throw- in’ yourself away on a poverty-struck nobody, honey.” FORTUNE'S FAVORITES. ~ctemenase Doocan—" Look at thot, now, Here's a man wid six milk « Hons marries a widdy wid ten."* IN THE, COUNTRY aor: fs ‘Ctancr—'* Don't thot be the way of the wor-rld now? Miss IsaneLt (/rom the @ity}—" My! how green the grass is!” Them’s has plenty is the wans that has the best prospects av Lime Frepoie—" Why, lam surprised! Did you think it was blue?” ‘gittin’ more." comicbooks.com