Judge, 1905-07-08 · page 6 of 20
Judge — July 8, 1905 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early Judge magazine: **"Ten Little Patriots"** is a dark-humor poem mocking incompetent radicals or anarchists. Each stanza follows the "Ten Little Indians" format, with "patriots" accidentally killing themselves through bungled bomb-making and weapons handling. The satire targets violent extremists of the era—likely anarchists or radical bomb-throwers who were a contemporary concern in early 20th-century America. **"Cindy's Mourning"** is a dialect-heavy story mocking African American speech and mourning customs. A Black maid named Cindy initially refuses to mourn her employer's sister Mollie, whom she disliked, but performs elaborate mourning anyway out of family obligation and superstition. **"On the Planet Mars"** presents a brief joke where a Martian astronomer interprets Earth's city lights as intentional signals, unknowingly describing electric streetlights. The remaining sections are brief humorous poems and quips. The overall tone reflects period attitudes: casual racism in dialect humor, mockery of radical violence, and genteel social comedy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Te N little patriots, blowing horns in lin ‘One blew himself balf sick and then there were nine. Nine little patriots would investigate ; One found the charge all right and then there were eight. Eight little patriots shot a bomb toward heaven ; Mortar wasn't standing straight and then there were seven. Seven little patriots broke their rocket-sticks ; Rockets turned to boomerangs and then there were six. Six little patriots would a fuse rev One blew it for a while and then there were five. Five little patriots—powder on the floor ; One dropped his lighted punk and then there were four. Four little patriots smashed a shell to see What there was inside of it, and then there were three ‘Three little patriots had a thirty-two; One used ball cartridges and then there were two. Two little patriots, playing with a gun, Didn't know ‘twas loaded, and then there was one. ‘That little patriot who got up with the sun, Tired vut, went back to bed, and then there were none. ARTHUR R. PARKE, i ny rf ; "CINDY'S MOURNING. CINDY'S dusky face puckered as she bent over the ironing-table, muttering wrath- fully to herself, y* de Lawd, T ain't gwine ter stan’ dis enny longah! I doan’ keer ef she is his sistah—Josh has got ter quit spendin’ money on dat good-fo'-nuffin' Mollie, buyin’ medi- Ef he doan’ stop I'm gwine ter git me a ‘vorce. Sam Smiff cines en all sorts ob truck. And she set the flat-iron emphatically back on ‘lows yo" kin git one fo’ five dollahs, the stove. About a week afterward she came bustling in with, “ Miss Marg’ret, I got ter go home ter-night ter set up wid de cawpse.” +: What corpse? Who's dead 2" “Oh, Mollie done pass ‘way dis mawnin’. But, Miss Marg’ret “—anxiously—* I ain't got a speck ob mournin’ ter wear—no hat ner vail—nuffin’ but dis white vascina- * holding up to view a fluffy woc “But, ‘Cindy, you didn’t like Mollie and can’t be sorry she’s dead. mourning for her would be acting an untruth. + Well, yo" know, Miss Marg'ret, dey’s times when folks is ‘bleeged ter act ‘ceitful I b'longs ter de“tam’bly en boun’ ter shew ‘spec’ ter de cawpse. ‘Sides, Mollie mought cum back en h’ant me ef I didn’, It ended in my furnishing her a half-worn hat and veil, and she departed, beaming tor, n scarf, Putting on “a “a (i ii i (in ‘i ie Ye l es if a \ ae ON THE PLANET MARS. Marmian astronomer (to class)—* That the earth is inhabited, and that for quite a period of time the people of that ve been making signals to us, I feel can hardly be questioned. At exactly recurrent periods of time a vast area urface of that sphere shines forth with an array of most beautiful and wonderful lights, which convinces me beyond the shadow of a doubt that the inhabitants of our near neighbor are persistently trying to attract our attention."* planet of th JUDGE'S FAVORITES. LOUISE HENRY. Your pigtail and your parasol Do not look well on you at all. But you, Louise—now, mark the sense And please forbear to take offense— You look so well in spite of these Burlesque and stagy gaucheries That by and by, from liking you, We come to like your make-up, too. with satisfaction. a most injured expression Next day she returned, wearing and in reply to my in- quiry as to h assed off, replied, *De funeral wuz all right; but ef I'd ‘a’ knowed de cawpse wuz gwine ter wear white I'd wore my vascinator, ‘cause I allers did look bettah in white dan black. ‘Clar ter gracious ! hit do look follie did dat fo" spite.” Luey BUCK. ONE ON THE EDITOR AT LAST. The editor (gloomily)—"\ 1 must say you don’t seem to realize how terrible it is to lose you.” The authoress (sweetly) — “You mustn't take it too much to heart, my friend. Re- jection does not necessarily imply lack of merit.” like NOT HIS TURN. May —“1 hear you are engaged to Jacl Pamela his turn ye Oh, no; itisn’t TOUCHING FAREWELL. Mack—« Higbee borrow- ed one hundred dollars of me before he left.”* Wyld—« Rather a touch- ing farewell, eh 2" MUCH SHRILLER NOISE. MAN from Joliet, Ill, Was making a most sill. From a Canada thistle He fashioned a whistle, And then made a much shrill. Dyer—"It's quite a come- down for van Dyne.”* Ducli— Yes. 1 suppose he will brag more than ever of his descent.” comicbooks.com