Judge — August 13, 1904 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HIs HAPPY LAND. I bet you dat de angels Ain't happy ez I feel— Des can't take a step, suh, But a melon hits yo" heel ! Look laik de vines is tangled— Dey run so fur each day ! So many juicy melons Dey in each other way ! En all de rich folks’ money Ter me can’t hol’ a match, Wid all dem watermelons, En de freedom of de patch! —Atlanta Constitution, A trial of two generations and more has been the test that proves Abbott’s Angostura Bitters to be the best tonic for “What a beautiful lawn you have !* “Yes,” answered Mr. Nagley’s wife; He never misses a day with his lawn-mower; although I could scarcely get him to touch it until the neighbors iegan to complain about the noise it made."— Washington Star. “ How on earth did you ever get a mes- senger-boy to deliver your note and bring back the answer so quick ?” “1 took his dime novel away from him and held it as security."—Philadelphia Press. Newcombe —"The Highstiles are a lucky couple.” is—" Why $02” Newcombe—" They belong to the same iety, and so manage to meet now non Topics. and agai Systematic Shampooing with Packer's Tar Soap Pure as the Pines means healthy hair and scalp and prevents premature baldness) The Packer Mig. Co., New York “Do you sympathize with the Russians or the Japanese 2” “ At present,” said the man who strives for nicety of expression, «I sympathize with the Russians and congratulate the Japanese."— Washington Star. 4 A.SANTAELLA & 00., Makers, TAMPA, Fla. ‘Sold by Firat Class Dealers Everywhere, “Now, dearest, just see,” said Mrs. Newlywed, “since I commenced keeping our accounts we haven't got nearly so many bills to pay. Now, see, you haven't got any butcher's bill or milkman’s bill to pay at all this month.” “But, darling, we certainly had plenty of meat and milk all the time.” “Yes, dearest,” replied Mrs. Newly- we put | bought them from the gro- cer." Philadelphia Ledger. A grand piano underneath a cow, A graphophone, a German band, and thou With a hand-organ and calliope— Oh! Sheol were Gehenna, sure enow. When twin moons hang upon the wav'ring crag, While o'er the footboard leaps the she- night-nag, Lo! thou hast a jag. York Times. “She said if any man kissed her with- out warning she ‘d scream for her tather.” “What did you do? “1 warned her."— Cleveland Plain Dealer, OLD FASHIONED RUT STILL IN THE FASHION. It is an ever new and interesting story to hear how one can be entirely made over by change of food. “For two years I was troubled with what my physician said was the old- fashioned dyspepsia. “There was nothing I could eat but twenty or thirty minutes later I would be spitting my food up in quantities until I would be very faint and weak. This went on from day to day until I was terribly wasted away, and without any prospects of being helped. “One day I was advised by an old lady to try Grape-Nuts and cream, leaving off }all fatty food, I had no confidence that Grape-Nuts would do all she said for me, as I had tried so many things without any help, But it was so simple I thought I would give it a trial, she insisted so. “Well, I ate some for breakfast and pretty soon the lady called to see her * patient’ as she called me, and asked if I had tried her advice, “*Glad you did, child ; do you feel some better ?° «“«No,' I said ; ‘1 do not know as I do. the only difference I can see is 1 have no sour stomach and, come to think of it, I haven't spit up your four teaspoons of Grape-Nuts yet.’ “Nor did I ever have any trouble with Grape-Nuts then or any other time, for this food always stays down and my stomach digests it perfectly. I soon got strong and well again and bless that old lady every time I see her. “ Once'an invalid of ninety-eight pounds I now weigh one hundred and twenty-five pounds and feel strong and well, and it is due entirely and only to having found the proper food in Grape-Nuts.” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Michigan. Get the little book, * The Road to Well- in each package. THE “SOHMER” HEADS THE LIST OF THE HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS SOHMER PIANOS Sohmer Building, ray, a renter New Sth Ave., cor 22d St. You And on thy chest squats Bunny-of-the | “Judging from the appearance of that bright thing up there,” remarked the young trout, «I conclude it’s a nice fly.” «My child,” cautioned the wise mother trout, “don't jump at your conclusion, or it will be your finish."—Philadelphia Press. “De world owes us a living,” said Plodding Pete. “Yes,” answered Meandering Mike; “but it neglected to make arrangements so dat we could clip it off from day to day like coupons."— Washington Star. Scratcher—"So you've resigned, have you? Before or after?" Scribbler — Before or after what ?” Scratcher —"You were bounced.” New Yorker. “ Have you a two-cent stamp 2” the lady in the drug-store. “No, ma'am,” replied the clerk ; “but we have something just as good.’ Here are two one-cent stamps.” — Yonkers Statesman, asked A mortgage is like Deacon $ mule—" Dreadful sot in its ways. a habit of bobbing up regularly. you live you can take care of it. that—well, you'd be wise now to consult the PENN MUTUAL LIFE, 921-3-5 Chestnut St., Philadelphia. The jilted Philadelphia man who sent as a wedding-present to his former sweet- heart a miniature coffin full of old love- letters took a delicate means of demon- strating that his heart had not been broken.— Philadelphia Press. The Sohmer Piano has always maintained a leading position, and to-day it has few equals and no superiors. ‘The Sohmer can rest upon its merits and win every time. Hope is a great blessin’; yit ef it wuzn't fer hope none er us would ever be disap- pinted.—Adanta Constitution. The Safest Drink At Home Amid Green Fields On a Boat In the Mountains At the Seashore Any dealer, Anywhere, Any place. cuse, Rochester, Cincinnati, Louisville, St. Dallas, Texas, freely given to all callers. Central Station, Catalogue of the « There's recreation in the books themselves.” 77 Information Bureaus of the New York Central Lines Each City ticket office of the New York Central, Bos- ton & Albany, Michigan Central, Lake Shore, Big Four, Pittsburg & Lake Erie and Lake Erie & Western Rail- roads in the cities of New York, Brooklyn, Boston, Worcester, Springfield, Albany, Utica, Montreal, Syra- Buffalo, Detroit, Cleveland, Pittsburg, Columbus, Indianapolis, Niagara Falls, Toronto, Louis, Chicago, St. Paul, Denver, San Francisco, Portland, Los Angeles and is an information bureau where desired information regarding rates, time of trains, character of resorts, hotel accommodations, and a thousand and one other things the intending traveler wants to know will be Send to George H. Daniels, General Passenger Agent, Grand New Vork, a a-cent stamp for a $2-page Ilustrated ‘Track Series.” the car do I get.off ?” Conductor (politely) —« Either you pre- earoom | fer, sir ; Times-Democrat. Rustic (to conductor)—* Which end of Fudge—" You are charged with going too fast.” Miss Footlites—“ No, indeed ; if { had both ends stop."—ew Orleans | gone any slower I couldn't have been ar- rested."—Mew York Sun, 20-Hour Train to Chicago 2°%*, SENTY RY New York Central and Lake Shore comicbooks.com