Judge — August 13, 1904 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SWIMMIN’ DAYS. yi . THE TEMPEST. sWIMMIN’ ain’t what it uster be- a Rial (From the Russian.) Not by a jugful—no-sir-ee! / E WERE bottled at Port Arthut ; Uv course th’ water 's jest ez wet ; o “ Not a Ski of us could sleep. Th’ woods is there, an’ all uv'thet ; 4 Tt was midnight in the harbor ; Th’ shadders ‘crust th’ eddy lie ‘There were flashlights on the deep. Jest ex they did in days gone by. ¢ Th’ dam sends up its steam an’ nar Se t ¢ It disturbs you when you're bottled Jest ex it did in days uv yore, ‘ And have grounded hard and fast ‘An’ turkles drop “kerplunk ” into i If the watch exclaims in terror, ‘Th’ water ez they uster do; P, " * They have shot away the mast!” But swimmin'—swimmin’, no-sir-ce. ef 4 _ Ain't up to what it uster be. So we shuddered there in silence, While the stoutest Scoff and Ski Pondered deeply as to whether Don't hev th’ fun we hed them days He'd be sunk of lifted high. When we hed time enough to laze Around th’ dam, lay in th’ sun, An’ bake till we wuz p'nigh done ; Then run an‘ dive, th’ bull blame pack. Inter th’ stream ag’in, “kerwhack ‘Then chase each other long th’ shore ; Tie up th’ clothes uv one oF more ‘Throw mud on some poor feller wl He wuz mos' gittin’ dry, an’ then Make him go in ag’in. Dear suz! And as thus we sat in darkness, In torpedo-proof apparel, “We are lost !" the captain shouted, © They have hit the vodka-barrel !" But a little middy whispered, As the icy hand he took, + There's another in the galley— It was smuggled by the cook.” madi ‘These swimmin’ days ain't what they wuz } RS ana : © | Then we kissed the knowing kidski, aes For we found ‘twas even so; Another uv them bygone joys ; 2, p And we sank (to sleep), contented, Waz duckin’ uv th’ smaller boys. Pes a In the boiler-room below. Can't do it now—they’ve growed, you so - 4c? ARTHUR M, YOLWELL, seng back aie " and An’ are ez big ez you an’ me. fia pe? , 7 NO WONDER. An’ some hey moved away, an’ some 1 WB P 4 ‘4G MITHERS says he lights one N ‘Are busy workin’ here to hum. Lg a cigar from another now, he luck No, sir; them days hev all 4 smokes so much.” be Cast vg "em back now ef we try. “don't wonder, considering a h’ lickin’s, ton, we uster get the kind of cigars that Smithe: : and When we got back awry an’ wet, ee and Don't come no more to you an’ me— BUTTING IN. smo —_ Swimmin’ ain't what it uster be. * So he has finally succeeded in butting Into society?" Why? . Sys Jon cone, “Yes. He ran his auto into the Vanderocks’ tally-ho, | believe.”* “ Matches must cost more. y SAMMYFIED COMIC OPERA. I ‘4 BUT there is no plot, no dialogue, no change of scene, no dramatic song. Don't you see? The show opens with the soubrette singing to action whatever, in your comic opera,” says the manager to the occupants of one box, and then another singer warbles to the peo- whom the aspiring author has submitted his manuscript. ple in another box, and so on; and as the opera proceeds the members “ Of course not,” agrees the author, “It doesn’t need any.” of the chorus, one by one, take up the song and sing directly at some “ And so far as I can make it out, it seems to be nothing but the _ particular man in the audience.” continuous repetition of the chorus of one song.” Locking the door to prevent his escape, the manager compels him “That's it,” smiles the author, “I got the idea from the'Sammy’ to sign the contract at once. UNERRINGLY PROPHETICAL. A cyclone-cty medium told a citizen he would get an unexpected By pestis «+ wit —and he did—which was no lle. / comicbooks.com