Judge, 1904-07-09 · page 5 of 24
Judge — July 9, 1904 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes contemporary scientific claims about dietary restriction. The main poem mocks a new health trend claiming people eat too much, arguing that rigorous science demands we abandon rich foods (foie gras, terrapin, French cuisine) for nuts and grain to extend life. The satire's point: the author loves eating too much to actually follow this advice, suggesting the scientific pronouncements are impractical and perhaps overblown. The accompanying cartoons are lighter fare: "In Danger" shows Uncle Washington warning a man about a "sea-serpent" coming ashore—revealed as merely a wealthy man's imported dachshund. "The Hour-Glass Girl" criticizes the corset-wearing fashion trend that dangerously cinches women's waists. These pieces reflect Judge's typical mix of social commentary on health fads, fashion excess, and everyday absurdities facing Americans.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘THE FOOD QUESTION. (Recent experiments, scientifically made, seem to show that we all eat too much.—Exchangr.) SINCE science says we eat too much !) A ban is on the dinner-bell. Full suppers we should never touch, And breakfasts should be light as well. No matter if the quail on toast Delicious seems when cooked just right, Or even you smell a savory roast, Beware—obey not appetite. Are we not told by rigid rule How small must be our food supply? In view of this why play the fuol To mourn our rashness by and by? Although mankind in every age Has lived wellfed and fairly long, With life a happy pilgrimage, And never thought full rations wrong, Their ways empiric we should fear— Since science knows and doesn't guess, And thank our stars, with groceries dear, ‘That we can live by eating less. To pate de foie gras good-bye ; Good-bye, too, to lush mayonnaise, And terrapin’s sweet tyranny — If we would live out all our days. Then, skipping soups and petits four, Soft soufles, and all tricks of France, Fat squabs and dishes rich galore, On lengthened life we must advance. But some day, when mere nuts and grain And fruits shall make our food com- plete, If asked to dine I won't remain— So dearly do I love to eat! JORL RENTON. WHERE HE WAS, . Reporter—*1 can’t find a soul who knows that Mr. Scadds who's been nominated.” City editor heard of him he’s certain to be in that.” Well, look in that + Prominent Living Americans.’ If no one's ever IN DANGER. Uncte Wasnincron—" Yo", Eph, git yo'r haid away {um dar! Yo" want ter cripple dis mule?" FALSE ALARM. Everysopy—"* Run for your lives! The sea-serpent, and it's coming ashore!” morning swim. THE HOUR-GLASS GIRL. ‘She squeezes in her waist until ‘The other girls seem on the shelf. She thinks that she is dressed to kill, While merely dressed to kill herself. CRITICISM. 66] T IS said,” jested Ben Jonson to Shakespeare, “that the mortals are finding much of Bacon in thy plays.” So?" queried the bard of Avon. . « Ods- blood! From what comes to my ears, nearly all of my plays, when seen on earth now, are full of hams.” SUMMER SHOWERS. DAME NATURE lays her carpet down, A shade of tender green, All woven fair with violets And buttercups between. Then sounds a sudd nd gusty she "Tis plain, in tacking down the job, Dame Nature hit her thumb. MCLANDDUKGH WILSON. n thunder-clap, ers come. But it was only Mr. Spielkraut's imported prize dachshund taking his