Judge, 1904-07-09 · page 6 of 24
Judge — July 9, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page features several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Hi Hunker's Way"** depicts a rural character from Horseheads, New York, who uses a charging bull as free physical therapy to treat his rheumatism. The joke mocks both rustic folk remedies and the absurdity of risking life for minor savings—he saves a dollar on medicine but spends it on cigars. **"An Incentive"** satirizes struggling writers through a conversation about payment rates. When a famous author boasts of earning "a dollar a word," a desperate writer quips that such pay would tempt him to artificially lengthen his stories, mocking both literary integrity and economic desperation. The other sections—**"Judge's Favorites,"** **"Mystifying,"** **"The Summer Girl,"** and miscellaneous jokes—showcase typical period humor about theater, romance, fortune-telling, and domestic life, with light satire on social pretensions and gender relations. The page emphasizes accessible, working-class comedy rather than political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HI HUNKER’S WAY. HENE'ER the blithe bullock cavorts in the lea And comes like a shaft of chain-lightning for me, Tleap and I hustle, I jump and I vault, And o'er the wire fence turn a swift somersault. The bull scems astonished to see the gay style In which o'er the “barbed wire” I glide with a smile; And then the shanghais all their rapture uncork And crow for Hi Hunker of Horseheads, New York. Now, I am Hi Hunker of dear old Horseheads— Te’er wear a shirt that's the brightest of reds To make the bull chase me until I just whizz And knock from my system the old rheumatiz. I thus save a dollar, the price of the stuff That lays out the rheumatiz Hunketty-guff; And with that bright dollar my joy its wings preens With twenty good Flor del Fumas in my jeans. AN INCENTIVE. sO MAKE a long story short,” said the great author, who was telling about his new contract with his publishers, “I am to get a dollar a word for everything I write.” “A dollar a word !” exclaimed the struggling writer. Seems to me that would make me make a short story long.” Burr McIntosh, photo. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MARY NASH. Although we've seen you many times, We'd see you many more And hear you rattle off the rhymes We've heard you sing before. The play may be the same old thing You've often on vs sprung; But though it ages on the wing, You keep forever young. MYSTIFYING. 6¢QO, SIR,” explains the librettist; “there is no German comedian in this show, because the scene is laid five thousand years ago, and at that time there were no Germans. “Then,” asks the manager, “ how in the dickens do you come to have all the jokes that the German comedians always spring ?" THE SUMMER GIRL, WOE BETIDE THEM! E TALK about her winsome ways doy WpIN® Wittano—" An’ s0 yer Dileve dat dere Is to be a fture punishment fer de wicked, nanos jo yer ‘And fave about ber, witchery. Totwnit Tanxs— Well, | should say yes! Take, fer instance, dese unprincipled employment- The truth is that she gets our praise agencies dat are constantly receivin’ money fer gittin’ work. Dere hain't nobody kin make me Because of her dropstitchery. bilieve but wot dere'll be retribution fer dem fellers." THE READING OF CHARACTER. SOTHIS is the life-tine,” says the amateur palmist, who is reading the hand of the young woman. “It shows that you will live to a ripe old age. This is the head-line. You have wonderful talent for writ- ing. This is the heart- line. Lots of romance and a happy marriage, with just trunkfuls of fine dresses and things.” “ How do you know about the dresses “Why, here's the clothes-line. It runs clear around your hand.” FORCE OF HABIT. Madge —« There hasn’t been a man seen around here all summer.” Dolly—" Yet every Miss Ovoaint—"' Will the man I marry be dark or light?" night you look under the Fortune-reLter—" Very light-headed.”* bed for one.’ comicbooks.com