Judge — July 9, 1904 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FORE Ar THe Parker Buripixc, Fourtn AVENUE aND Nixereestn StRKET, New York. Westen Aovextising Ornice— 1313 Hartford Building, Chicage, Ml, UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. Ove copy, one year, or 52 numbers = cS & « One copy, six months, or as numbers - = eee One copy, tor thirteen weeks. 3 3N SUPSCRIPTIONS—To alll foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00. year. Eonornan sates-acnnrs—/aternational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, E. Cy London ; Brentano's, Avenue del’ Opera, Paris PUBLISHED WEE: TERM TO SUBSCRIBERS: Including the Citisratas June. ariach's News Exchange, Mainz, Germany, The contents of JUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be nromptly and vigorously prosecuted, CONTRIBUTORS must Inclose a stamped and self-addressed eridelove with all manuscripts, otherbvise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contribations sent fo the Art Department should have the sender's full name and aires Yoritten plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying Jote or descriptive letler-press should in édbery instance be ‘written upon its indroidual picture, and NOT wron a separate slip of paver. Inclosure of stamps 10 the full amount of postage 1s also required, 10 insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. HAT is a door-nail, my not to say damned, n? Why, it is a thing that is quite as dead, is the average Democratic issue. ‘ARRED with Bryan and feathered with Hill, the figure of Democracy performs a not too picturesque saraband in the moonlight of public opinion. 8 THE RACE for the presidential nomination there are many also-rans, and in that for the second place on the ticket there are hosts of also- would-not-runs, HE POPOCRAT, if one still exists, will show great wisdom if he will but paste in his hat, for future reference, a little legend to the effect that political speech, whatever else it may be, is not free silver. ALTHOUGH Olney may be said to be more talked against than talking, the fact, which must te a melancholy one to his friends, still remains that he is the cold, neglected egg on the bosom of the browned hash of Democracy. ENERAL SLOCUMISM is an up-to-date evil that is not any more confined to steamboats than Buddensieckism is confined to those flimsy buildings which are to the foot what castles in Spain are to the fancy. Some day there may be a vigilance committee formed that will glad the soul of the early riser who discovers the carcass of a venal inspector swinging gracefully from a lamp-post against the background of the auroral zephyr. F THE AVERAGE suburbanite would but fight for his country with the same insane zeal that he employs in fighting for his country seat, that is one hundred by one hundred and fifty feet in size and Haddon Hall in name, there would be nothing to fear in the matter of our being eliminated from the map. MANY alleged statesmen now at the St. Louis con- vention fancy that they are frisking in the political flesh. Yet the fact re- mains, despite all argument to the - contrary, that they are at the bottom of the sea of politics, absolutely proof against the banging of all the cannon that can be brought to bear to bring them to the sur- face. |, HE WEAK- NESS of the wall of Lix emigra- MORE MONEY IN IT. Jones—" So you've left the fire-insurance business for the accident line? What was the cause of your change?” Brown—' The automobile craze." in the said wall through which pauper labor comes. The pauper labor of this country has already reached such dimensions as to warrant the opinion that a pauper-labor contingent may yet develop into a party that will have a presidential ticket in the field. The hole in the wall seems to grow larger and larger as time goes on, and it is rather a difficult task to solve the problem and to say just what should be done to remedy the evil. We do not for a moment suppose that pauper labor would be in existence for any great length of time if capital were not ever willing, and more than willing, to pay pauper rates. Such a cure might be considered heroic, not to say ruinous, by all human cash-registers of the Sage and Rockefeller type, but we will venture to say that it would prove a quick and easy one, and forever sidetrack the riddle that is said to be keeping many a student of affairs prancing up and down the axminster at night, lost in the deepest kind of a brown study. N A DAY or two the ever lively and frisky city of St. Louis will have the high average of its liveliness and friskiness raised by the presence in its imperial beer-embroidered midst of the Democratic convention. And it is quite within the bounds of likelihood to add that the town of the world’s fair will also be the hottest place south of the north pole. The stars of the Democracy will make themselves felt in many ways, and will prove that in their hands the axe is mightier than the pen, and, in fact, mightier than anything else, with possibly the exception of the corkscrew. There are men in this aggregation of wind-promoters who could teach the Indians the art of throwing the axe, either practically in the open, or theo- retically in the Carlisle school, if that football institution of the ignoble red were but endowed with a hatchet-chair. Baseball pitchers could gain val- uable points from a study of the curvi- linear methods Of Bryan, Hill And Gum Shoe Bill, each of whom is said to be able to send his axe hurt- ling through the air in so weird a fash- ion as to cause the casual onlooker to fancy that he is gazing upon a sea- serpent—for these magicians cause their axes to sizzle and the handles to wriggle in a style that savors of the marvelous. The axes are ground and the wielders are full of fight and aching for the word to com- mence hostiliti It will certainly be a sight to fill the heart of the lover of car- nage with all kinds of joy, and cause him to reflect that there will be conso- lation in the fact that the more that are politically killed the better will it be for society. | | comicbooks.com