Judge, 1904-02-13 · page 7 of 20
Judge — February 13, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"To Keep Them Going"** mocks upper-class leisure through contrasts: wealthy wives vacation in Florida while husbands endure cold winters to fund their expenses. **"At the Whangdoodle Club"** uses dialect humor (common but now offensive) to joke about someone who tells boring stories that put people to sleep. **"A Poet's Plaint"** satirizes overly flowery Romantic poetry by showing a poet unable to compose spring verses due to influenza and medical plasters—deflating literary pretension with physical comedy. **"Graduated Eyesight"** plays on a hotel clerk's exaggerated descriptions of mountain distances, suggesting his perspective is literally warped. **"Why He Loved Her"** makes a topical joke: a man marries Pocahontas not for saving his life (a "busted legend") but to claim fame marrying "the first American woman opposed to clubs"—satirizing both anti-club sentiment and romanticized colonial history. Minor pieces include jokes about skating and theatrical gossip. The humor relies on wordplay, class commentary, and gentle mockery of contemporary attitudes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TO KEEP THEM GOING. ‘TRANGE, the contrasts there are in every-day life," observed the man with the incandescent whiskers. “Yes?” put in the man with the over- grown nose. “Yes. Now, my wife and four daughters are eating oranges in Florida this winter, while 1"—— “ While you are eating snowballs up here in order to meet their expenses.” Freddie— dad, why did those fel- lows in the tally-ho toot the horn 2” Cobwigger—"1 guess they were trying to revive memories of the time when their an- cestors peddled fish.” AT THE WHANGDOODLE CLUB. “Ah always makes up mah best jokes jes’ aftah Ah wakes up in de mawnin’ “Huh! Yo" always tells ‘em jes’ afore eberybody else goes ter sleep.” A POET’S PLAINT. OW can I pipe the lilting lay ot spring When influenza hath me sore oppressed, And porous-plasters on my back and chest Preclude, alas! my fond desire to sing? Are mustard embrocations quite the thing To coax the fleeting muse, oF is it best To lay the flattering unction to my breast, O'er where the plaster aforesaid doth sting ? Fresh fears beset my epigastrium ; For must I wake the lyre’s uncertain tone Thro’ dire necessity, that knows no law, And whceze, Come, spring, ethereal mildness, come !"* When in my heart I sadly ers one, ‘The glamour of a February thaw? EUGENE GRaRy, as Ny ah (VE I Lit GRADUATED EYESIGHT. j GeVES, sir,” said the Denver hotel-clerk to the my 2 F ae i\\ne new arrival ; "that white-capped mountain : away off there is in the Rockies, and it is a hun- dred and fifty miles from here.” “Who would have imagined it was so far?" commented the guest. . VICE VERSA. “Oh,” was the airy response from the clerk, Imy Gold bath eae eee Deepen De TNE | do enjoy—going to the club and getting inl wif the atmosphere was only a little clearer it Suenoer—" Well, I'll tell you. What | enjoy is getting out of it.”* would be three hundred miles away.” wd WHY HE LOVED HER. Se MARRY me!" cried John Smith to Pocahontas. “Alas!” sighed the beau- teous princess, I cannot. But tell me why you love me. Is it because I saved your life ?” “Not exactly. That will be a busted legend in later years ; but I should like to have the renown of marrying the first American woman who was opposed to clubs.” ALL ARE SKATERS. LL. the world 's a lake Of ice, begirt with snow. Many skaters take A header as they go. Some stay on their feet If they heed advice ; Others take a tumble ‘Trying to cut the ice. HER ONLY OPPOR- TUNITY. Penelope —"1 hear Miss Angular is engaged again.” Maude— Yes; she's en- REPARTEE AT THE ACTORS’ CLUB. es “+1 dreamed last night that | met Shakespeare.”” gaged about every leap-year. *"1 thought you looked rather done up this mornine."*