Judge, 1904-02-13 · page 6 of 20
Judge — February 13, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated satirical items typical of Judge magazine's humor: **"He Will Win"** mocks hotel management's impossible task pleasing guests with contradictory temperature demands—a common service-industry complaint. **"Judge's Favorites"** praises actress Virginia Earl in "Sergeant Kitty," using flowery verse typical of theatrical promotion. **"The Submarine Race"** presents whimsical sea creatures (horseshoe crab, lobster, tortoise) racing—absurdist humor with no apparent political meaning. **"The Obstacle"** is a brief marital joke about a hen-pecked husband dominated by his wife, reflecting period anxieties about gender relations. **"At St. Augustine"** employs anthropomorphized insects (flies with human vanities) discussing beauty routines and restaurant life—mild social satire. **"He Deserves To"** depicts working-class laborers complaining that weather forecasters should shovel snow themselves—populist grumbling at "experts." The page is primarily lighthearted entertainment rather than serious political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HE WILL WIN. 66] ADY in four says the house is much too cold,” announces the bell- Ms Tell her we will turn on all the heat from the boilers,” di- rects the gentlemanly clerk. “Lady in eleven says the house is too warm,” states a sec- ond bell-boy. “Run up and say we have shut off all the steam.” “Lady in forty- four asks me to tell you the temperature is exactly what she desires,” says a third “Go back and pre- sent our compliments aUDCeS FAVORITES and tell her we shall VIRGINIA EARL IM SERGEANT KITTY." keep up this tempera- In friskiness and airy grace ture all day, For other stars you set the pace; After the last boy And e’en you show them pretty quick has gone the clerk The thing that itu! the trick a Of hiving sedge pin on jots down the num- THE SUBMARINE RACE. Against the rainy day and cold. bers of the rooms, First sea-Horse—' The tortoise, lobster and horseshoe crab are ‘Such is the fineness of your art looks at them curi, #0ut to start for the hundred-yard crawling record.” That e’er it hits the public heart, 3 Seconp sea-worse—"' Let's put our money on the horseshoe crab So hard and solid, that you ne'er ously a moment, then for ‘luck.’ Will be compelled, oh, siren rare! muses, hi ~ ie deo’ 5, i Yous Needs Crabbe te einncl “Four-eleven-forty-four. I guess that it isn’t good policy to please your guests ! ‘THE OBSTACLE. AT ST. AUGUSTINE. ¢6]T'S a wonder Mr. Henpeck doesn’t stand on his Mr. Horse-Fly—* What a beautiful complexion Miss Greenbottle-Fly has! And rights.” what velvety antenna !" “He can't. Mrs. Henpeck always sits on Miss Sand-Fly—* Well, who wouldn't if they lived in a restaurant, as she does, and them,” took a milk-bath daily ?” RR OAV AT ST erancsor i apr: HE DESERVES TO. Thinkin’ av phwat?" ‘Thinkin’ thot th’ weather-man ought to be made to shovel all th’ shnow."*