Judge, 1903-11-28 · page 5 of 21
Judge — November 28, 1903 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects Thanksgiving-themed verses and comic sketches. The main satirical pieces include: **"A Diplomat"**: A young man uses "retroactive mistletoe" as a flimsy legal excuse to kiss a woman on Thanksgiving (when mistletoe isn't traditionally relevant until Christmas). The joke mocks politicians' use of convoluted logic to justify questionable behavior. **"It Interfered"**: A man became so busy writing self-help articles about success that he neglected his own business and failed—satirizing the hypocrisy of advice-givers who don't follow their own guidance. **"Jones Won the Turkey"**: A man must carry home a large, heavy turkey—the "load" suggesting drunkenness or exhaustion. The remaining items are light verse about Thanksgiving traditions and minor comic sketches about mistletoe, turkeys, and dancing. The overall tone is gentle holiday humor rather than sharp political satire, typical of Judge's mixed content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
KSS 9] ONG about Thanksgivin’ time A feller feels so glad. Seems he's got to take to rhyme, Be it good or bad ; Got to show his thankfulness See a turkey—h: Fer his pleasures prime, A Fer the joys he may possess A DIPLOMAT. HE. young man who calls on Thanksgiving evening brings a sprig of mistletoe with him and attaches it to the chandelier. n the evening he lures the fair damsel beneath it and kisses her. ply to her shocked expression he points to the mistletoe. * But,” she argues, * mistletoe doesn’t have anything to do with the case until Christmas.” * This,” he explains with the ponderous logic In ree THIS(HiC) TURKEY 1SH PRETTY (MIC) HEAVISH of a statesman—tor he has served wo terms in the legislature-—« this is retroactive mistletoe Owing to the press of business, they then went into executive ses- sion. A PERTINENT QUERY. Punkin 's shinin’ nugget-like Up there on the hill ; Cider-presses down the pike Workin’ with a will. todo F pantomime. Feller 's tickled through an’ through At Thanksgivin’ ti “Long about Thauksgivin’ time Poets ever'where Writin’ out their thoughts sublime, ‘Tuggin’ at their hair. Seems as if 'most every song ‘That they put in rhyme Has to start or end with “Bout Thanksgivin' tim IT INTERFERED. $+ JOW did Bluster happen to let all Ins business get away from him ?" asks the sympathetic friend. “Oh,” explains the hard-headed acquaintance, * he got so busy writing articles on ‘how to’ succeed’ that he didn't have time to look after his own affairs.” DUE THANKS. S6GISTAH POTAH,” id Deacon Snow- + wilst | knows yo" sorrowin’ because yo'r husban’ is languish- in’ dis day ob tanks in de calaboose, still mo’ is we boun’ ter ren. dah vanks.” Yo's yet con, te we sighed $ yo's right in’t he Vankful dat In co’se ‘THERE'S just one ing more I wish to ask,” said the visitor at the arsenal. «What is it quired the officer. “Does the twelve- inch gun throw a foot- ball?" ine JONES WON THE TURKEY, BUT HAD TO TAKE HOME QUITE A “LOAD.” de constibbles done cotch he com: in’ home wid de tukkey, but wed oughter be vankful dat he had de fo'thought ter let de tuk- key drap an’ dat yo" wuz neah by, an’so dey didn’ cotch de tukkey.” Eph'm_ wilst LADEN DeR A SURE-ENOUGH “ TWO-STEP.” Spectator: “ Bu-yootiful dancing. eh?” Te Girt a Yes; and he didn't ve to go to dancing-school to learn it, elther."* comicbooks.com