Judge, 1903-08-01 · page 5 of 16
Judge — August 1, 1903 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's humor: **"Dark Outlook"** mocks Boston's learned citizens overreacting to geological predictions that the city is sinking into the sea. Their pompous, verbose responses and concern about bean plants satirize pretentious intellectual hand-wringing over natural disasters. **"On the High Seas"** is a romantic comedy: a young couple enjoys a peaceful ocean view until the man notes the sea is "asleep in front" but "awake behind"—a pun on maritime terminology that deflates the sentimental moment. **"No Reason Whatever"** presents a brief absurdist joke about a man who can't stop pursuing a woman who rejected him. **"The Hog-Train"** contains a dialect joke: "Bill's on de hog-train" means he works on an elevated railroad (slang usage), creating confusion that the punchline clarifies. **"A Constant Patron"** observes darkly that a picture-framer profits from a woman's repeated life crises—college diploma, marriage certificate, divorce decree—each requiring framing. The humor ranges from verbal wordplay to social observation about commercialism.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DARK OUTLOOK. THE citizens of Boston, being informed that their town is slowly sinking into the sea, become great- ly alarmed. “Indeed,” says one, + the contemplation of such an eventuation occasions a sensation of abnormal ap- prehensiveness in my cere- bral apparatus.” “It affects me similar- responds the second citizen, “Many of our most cherished landmarks will ultimately be removed from our sphere of vision if this prediction be reliable,”avers the first. “Not only that,” de- clares the second, ** but it is an established fact that an effusion of brine is strongly detrimental to the bean- plant.” ON THE HIGH SEAS, AT THE bow of the steam- er sit the two happy young people. “How sweet it seems to-night!" sighs the girl. “How sweetly solemn is the view spread before us! Even the sea seems to be sleeping as it lies so placid- ly ahead of the boat.” " Yes, love,” agrees the young man. “It is asleep in front of the boat, but it is a wake behind.” Pananpn Stanees NO REASON WHATEVER. Atoy—“' She has refused to marry me, but | can't keep away from her." Ferpy—‘ Why should you if she has refused to marry you ?"* Wleee, weg, Z THE HOG-TRAIN. ‘Tarterven ToraN—" Bill 's on de hog-train all right.” Westwarp Hor—" He is?” ‘TarreRDEN Toran—"' Yes. He's a brakeman on de elevated railroad, down in New York.” A CONSTANT PATRON. A LADY enters the shop of the picture-framer and leaves an order. When she has gone the maker of frames turns to a customer who has been waiting and says, i «That lady certainly is a good patron of mine.” "Gives you a good deal of work, does she?” “ Not a great deal ; but if she continues as she has this summer I can count on a regular income from her. In May she came to get her college-diploma framed ; in June she had me fix up her marriage -certificate in a neat gilt moulding; and now she wants her divorce-de- cree mounted and framed.” EXPERIENCE. E suffer much distress on Account of you, old bore! ‘You teach us all the lesson We thought we knew before. HE WANTED THE SHOES. seHPERE, waiter!" said Mr. Meddergrass to the attendant in the city café where he was break- fasting, * I see you got some ‘fried soles’ on this here bill-o'fare. Bring ‘em on. I think them was the uppers I got fer griddle-cakes a minute ago.” comicbooks.com