Judge, 1903-05-30 · page 5 of 18
Judge — May 30, 1903 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes the early automobile era's unreliability and dangers. Multiple jokes target the same theme: cars break down constantly and are unpredictable compared to horses. The opening story shows a father cleverly reversing his daughter's elopement plans—he'll chase them in the automobile (which will inevitably fail), while they escape safely by horse-drawn carriage. Other sketches play variations: a chauffeur applicant's mule-team experience seems inadequate; an explorer finds a fatal Juggernaut festival less impressive than automobile accidents; a man prefers an auto over a horse, only to be told autos are more likely to kill you; and someone hit by car No. 33 obsesses over the number. The humor relies on the audience's shared frustration with early automobiles—unreliable machines that were simultaneously dangerous and prone to breaking down. These jokes likely date to the 1900s-1910s, when automobiles were still novel and notoriously unreliable technology.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HE watchful father comes upon his daughter and her lover as they are about to elope in an automobile. “One moment, my children,” he says. Startled, they look guiltily at him, “Let me suggest,” he remarks with a bland smile, «that you elope by the aid of two horses and a car- riage, and I will pursue you in the auto. The horses, you know, are sure not to break down." Kissing her father, and blessing him for the good, thoughtful, generous papa he is, the girl bids him farewell, and soon the old gentleman is hiring a farmer to haul the played-out automobile back to town, while an expression of rare satisfaction beams from his visage. s : FULLY QUALIFIED. UNEXPECTED. +4 AND," says the plutocrat who is engaging his corps “Hello! I didn't expect to run across you to-day.” of servants, “you say you would like a situation as chauffeur ?" RATHER TAME TO HIM. + Yes, sir," answers the applicant. “Well, did you ever run an automobile 2” but I was a mule-teamster in the army HE intrepid explorer has reached a hitherto unknown portion of India. There he finds an obscure tribe of heathen, who are holding their annual festival of the Juggernaut. Having won their favor, he is permitted to witness the spectacle. Notic- ing that he seems to feel rather a small interest in the sight of the victims being crushed beneath the huge wheels of the gaudily- bedecked carriage, the chief priest says, + Doesn't the exhibition appeal to you, sir?” “In a way, yes,” responds the intrepid explorer; “but, you see, I used to run an automobile at home.” WORSE YET. 66 NO, SIR,” protests the man with the big cap and the goggles; “I would not have a horse. A horse simply eats its head off all the time. Give me an auto.” « Huh !" comments the man who wears a horseshoe scarf-pin, “A horse may eat his head off, but an auto is apt to blow your head off.” HOW IT LOOKED TO HIM. HE city ordinances compelled all auto- mobiles to be numbered. This explained why, when Mr. Bumpit was run over by Auto No. 33, he informed the investigating officer, THE HEIGHT OF POLITENESS. “Of course I noticed the number. It Poue auTomoeiist—'* Pardon me, madam: | hope we don't intrude."* WAS 333,333,333,333.333." IF SLANG WERE: EXACT. Toun (annoyig’y)—"1 know your gf's name, Shame on you, shame ‘on you!" Jimaer—" Aw, go— ‘comicbooks.com