Judge, 1903-05-02 · page 3 of 16
Judge — May 2, 1903 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains humorous anecdotes about traveling museum exhibits and theatrical misadventures. The sketches mock the chaos of touring shows: a fat woman falling for a tattooed performer, a human skeleton getting seasick, and a two-headed attraction causing disruptions. The "Close Observer" cartoon satirizes office dynamics—an old man's wife is in Europe while his younger second wife stays home. The joke implies marital discord or infidelity. "If Slang Were Exact" parodies contemporary slang by depicting a child literally asking her mother for "a new, real automobile"—mocking how casual speech obscures serious requests. The cartoons employ exaggerated situations to critique working-class life, show business mishaps, and modern domestic tensions typical of early-20th-century Judge magazine humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A CATALOGUE OF MISFORTUNES. A\T BEGAN,” growled the morose manager of the travel- Gif) ing museum, ‘at Columbus. A streak of bad luck hit us there and has been following us ever since, in spite of all we can do to shake off the hoodoo, At Columbus the fat lady fell in love with the tattooed man and re- fused to eat, and now she has wasted away until we have to bill her as the living skeleton’s twin sister. The tattooed man got absent-minded and walked out in the rain, so that the pictures on him all got wet, and the scene from the coliseum at Rome blended into a maze of colors that we have hard work convincing the audi- ence is a moonlight storm at sea. Next stand—I think it was Dayton—the human ostrich got the society fad and went to one or two receptions just because he was invited out of curiosity, you might say. Ate a lot of lemon-ice and mayonnaise, or whatever they feed ‘em at them five-o'clock teas, and twisted his stomach up so bad he can’t swallow anything but wireless springs— and you can’t work any Marconi racket on the up-to- date audience. Come along a stand or two further, and I believe it was in Wheeling where the two-headed HAVING ONE ON THE HOUSE. girl got to talking back to herself, and I had to fire her for breaking the rule against quarreling amorg the freaks, This left the show pretty much crippled, but we opened in Cumberland to good houses, and got along all right until the Circassian princess loaned her wig to the lady Albino, who wanted to go toa masked ball. Had to fire ‘em both, and "-——— Here a boy rushed into the box-office and tugged at his sleeve, «What is it?” ed the manager. “The human pin-cushion jest telephoned that he wouldn't be able to do his turn to-night.” « What's wrong with him now ?” “Says he stepped ona tack and can't put his foot on the floo SAME PLACE, MIT us to put in a word: About the yachts we've reckoned, hat Shamrock third Will still be Shamrock second. AMBIGUOUS. A FAITHFUL Irish maid called upon her former mistress, who had recently lost her mother. “Och, mum !" Nora began, an’ th’ shwate lady ‘s gone. Shure, Oi niver knowed it till a wake afther th’ buryin’, She wuz loike wan av me own, an’ "— A CLOSE OBSERVER. with a fresh burst of tears—" there wa'n't nobody Finst orrice-soy—" Why do yer t'ink de ‘ old man’s’ wife is in Europe?” i in’ oulk Secono orrice-tor—"" Why, I jes’ seen him put a cheque in a letter, swear like sixty, an‘ den O¥'d rather hov seen dead than yure darlin’ ould put a five-cent stamp on it.”” mothe IF SLANG WERE EXACT. “« My mamma ‘s going to get mea new, real automobile for my birthday."” Feroinan>—"* Oh— comicbooks.com