Judge — May 2, 1903 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sage PUBLISHED WEEKLY AT THE JUDGE BUILDING, 110 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK. Wasrexn Apvexnisixc Orrice—S28 Mar- quette Building, Chicago, M.° Eastarx Apvartisinc Ornice—27 Schou Street, Boston, Mass. Terms 'to Subscribers. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, or sanumbers- = = = ‘One copy, six months, or numbers - + + ‘One copy, for thirteen weeks Dh lees he Tnclading the Cweistoas Jupc FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in t EUROPEAN SALES-AGENTS—/nternatic EC, London. 43.00 : 230 - 7 135 postal union, $6.00 a year. inal mews company, Bream building, Chancery lan. estan, avenue de FOpore, Paries Saarbach's news tichange, Bains, tents of JUDGE are protected by copyright ia both the United States and Great Britaio. ted. with all manuscripts, ame and address written plalaly o@ each and descriptive letter. press should in every instanc sii of stamps to ‘of material not accepted. full amount of postage is alse required. S A RULE, truth is not stranger than the kind of fiction that is manufactured to-day. EVERYWHERE the busy and industrious moth devours alike the sealskin sacque of the just and the unjust. cee N DEAR old moth-eaten Uncle David Ben- nett we fancy we plainly observe a mole- hill that would make a mountain of itself. eee F READING, as some philosopher once re- marked, makes a full man, we are just a bit curious to know of what that man’s reading of the empty books of to-day makes him full. eee ROM ONE END of Boston, Massachu- setts, to the other it is considered the very height of heresy, not to say sacrilege, to use the preferred, or even the common, table-bean as a missile for the’bean-shooter. eee Now THAT the baseball war is at an end for the time being in the courts, a patient, long-suffering public must try to be contented with the casual carnage that is served and dispensed on the twinkling diamond green. WHEN THE PLUMBER is in a high state of mental hilarity, and his fancy is running riot, and he is not quite certain where he is at, it may be safely assumed that he is just emerging from the misty mazes of a busted-pipe dream. S THE LABOR UNION has been denounced as the fiercest as well as the most diabolical trust extant, why would it not be a good idea to have Pierpont Morgan take it in hand with a view to reorganization, that it may look lovelier through the spectacles of capital? THE LILAC blows and gleams and glows along the garden-fence; the bull-dog scoots and blithely toots with rapture that’s intense. The grass is green where bluebirds preen and robin-redbreasts hop; the base- ball flies along the skies, the circus is on top. The lively moth devours the cloth and circles round the lamp, and terrapin sets all agrin the features of the tramp. The qui-nine pill doth gayly fill the farmer to the brim; amid the gush the whitewash brush begins to skip and skim. The lively colt begins to bolt the pasture with his dam; the oyster skates and abdicates in favor of the clam. And so we gayly skip and trip and somersault all day, and put to rout all care and shout, ‘Hip, hip! Hooray, hooray!” eee ADMIRAL DEWEY has said that a man to be eligible as presidential timber should be in the prime of life; and if President Roosevelt may be taken as a fair all-round specimen of a first-class success we feel that the hero of Manila bay knows whereof he talks. Acting on his suggestion, Hill, Johnson, Gorman, Cleveland, Watterson, Gumshoe Bill Stone, Olney, and the others that constitute the tall timber of Democracy, should lose no time in sprucing up and removing the causes of the alligator-skin and other ear-marks of senility that are already theirs. They should stop having birthdays and take to gymnastics and hair-dye, and indulge in mud-baths and in chasing themselves around the block of anticipation. Chest-weights should take the place of the divan, terrapin should be cast aside, and breakfast-food embraced at every opportunity. They area pretty rickety old set of steeds, are these horses that are preparing for the Demo- cratic race-track, and it would be well for the party managers to employ a competent staff of veterinary surgeons to count the rings on the teeth of each of the prospective starters, and look well after the other evidences of age and disintegration. And the candidates themselves should apply to the theatrical makers-up to decorate them as they do the Thespian relics that are made to look like sweet-girl graduates, although quite prehistoric as well as coeval with the jokes they so stridently utter. AS LONG as capital and labor exist the country will have a more or less lively fight on its hands, for the reason that, while they cannot pull along together, they cannot pull along apart. They ure dependent upon each other for existence, and yet it often seems as if they would crush each other. They keep the kettle of business boiling and singing away in a style that lulls the tom-cat of hope and anticipation to pleasant dreams under the bright stove of prosperity, which is run with the hard coal of stubbornness and determination. But they should never let the pot boil over and scald the tom-<cat of hope. As long as this stove holds out to burn properly the friends of capital, as well as the friends of labor, may turn somersaults of joy and look upon the two great factions as forming a com- bination that will keep all sorts and conditions of men, as well as the coun- try, in a condition of eighteen-karat glee. Aunt Samuel is a good cook of arbitration, and may be relied upon to stand between these two unions in such a way as to bring about the results which mean welfare and a couch well supplied with silken pillows on the crest of the wave of good-fortune. Therefore let them fight it out and have all the fun and excitement that are yielded by a good, old-fashioned scrap. When trust meets trust then comes the tug of war that is interesting all round, and will not be followed by a pension-list when Aunty Samuel, the best of all cooks, does the arbitrating. TWO DAYS OUT. Carrain—"' Ah, these poor, sick bridal couples!"” Passenorr—" Yes. What a bunch of business 4 divorce-lawyer could get here just now'”” comicbooks.com